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00:36It's easy to be distracted by stuff you see on the farm,
00:41barnails especially
00:46but the fact is I had two big jobs on my to-do list.
00:52Number one, work out how we'd celebrate Christmas at the pub.
01:00And number two...
01:04...decibe what to do about the London rally
01:06that was being planned by farmers
01:08to protest about the budget.
01:16It's March.
01:18Next week, Tuesday.
01:19The question is,
01:21do we go?
01:24Because if it turns ugly
01:26you know, people start flinging...
01:28..you know, some people turn up to muck spreaders and things
01:31to start covering public buildings in slurry like the French do.
01:34Do you want to be associated with that?
01:37And if you don't go,
01:38does it look like you're not backing the farmers?
01:42Oh, God.
01:43I don't want to be in a riot.
01:45I don't want to be in a riot.
01:47And quite a few people are saying that I should make a speech.
01:53I mean, I'm going to have to go.
01:55I don't like big crowds
01:56and I'm literally going to be in the middle of a big crowd.
01:58I'm going to be the worst person there.
02:00I don't mind a crowd.
02:01And, you know, it's nice to go down to London.
02:03I'll be able to talk about Al Pacino
02:04and people will know what I'm on about.
02:07So are you going?
02:09I think I'm going to go...
02:12..and I'm going to lay on a coach.
02:15So that if...
02:16Well, for two reasons.
02:18One, it's a nice thing to do.
02:20And the other thing...
02:20This is for farmers to go to London.
02:22And the other is,
02:23if there's a coach going,
02:25it will stop a farmer taking a tractor and a muck spreader.
02:28All right, I'll be on the bus then, yeah?
02:30And I'm going to make a decision on speaking,
02:33kind of, when I'm there.
02:34Because, you know,
02:36if you're standing in the middle of flares going off
02:38and slurry being flung around the place...
02:40You don't want to be doing a speech then, do you?
02:42It's haste to retreat.
02:43I'll be off then.
02:44Well, you won't,
02:45because you don't know your way around London.
02:46No, I'll stick with you.
02:47Stick with me.
02:48Yeah.
02:51Discussion over,
02:52Caleb and I went to see the unround-uppable Easy Care sheep.
02:56How are you?
02:57Because their new Easy Care boyfriends were being delivered.
03:01They're mice.
03:02Why have I got two mice?
03:04Wooly mice.
03:06Yeah.
03:06Also, quite small testes.
03:09It's only because it's cold.
03:11Oh, is it?
03:14Once Caleb had slathered their chests in marker paint
03:18so we'd know which sheep they'd serviced,
03:21the rams trotted off to meet the ladies.
03:27That one is tiny.
03:29But again, you know, Easy Care,
03:32they're more feminine,
03:33they don't look like your average really big rams.
03:36I then told Louise that one of the ewes had died
03:40and she had a rather surprising theory about why.
03:44You know what?
03:46Well, I think I maybe left the sister or something at home
03:50and it's just gone into a complete spiral of despair
03:53that its sister wasn't with it.
03:55Really?
03:56Pony then?
03:57Yeah.
03:59They actually don't have a broken heart then?
04:01Yes.
04:02Who knew?
04:04Oh, look, they're off.
04:05They're off.
04:07But the women are running away.
04:09Well, they always do, to be fair, at first.
04:16Leaving the rams to the romancing,
04:18I headed over to the pub
04:20because apparently
04:22there'd been a disturbance in the force.
04:27Annie tells me somebody has had an accident in here.
04:51No way!
04:55I was so astonished I had to get a second opinion.
05:01Fuck's sake!
05:05And even a third...
05:07That's vile.
05:09That's actually vile.
05:11I can't be one person.
05:14That's gotta be like five people.
05:16This...
05:18event...
05:18could not have happened on a worse day.
05:23Because some very special guests were inbound.
05:27I'd always been keen for the pub to host live music evenings
05:31and Lisa, having trawled through her Irish address book,
05:35had managed to book the cause.
05:41And a couple of hours later,
05:43with the car park hosting a full-on hazmat clean-up operation,
05:49they arrived.
05:51Hello.
05:52Jeremy, I'm Sean. How are you?
05:53Hi there, I'm very well. How are you?
05:55So, here we are.
05:56We're very happy, yes.
05:57When was the last time you played at a venue smaller than this?
06:03Oh!
06:03Oh!
06:05Once inside, they began the sound check.
06:09So, go on, go on.
06:12Come on, believe me, breathless.
06:16And as I was taking in this surreal moment,
06:20this cheerfulness arrived.
06:23Amazing, isn't it?
06:24It is.
06:24But I have been thinking...
06:27Health and safe notes, helping.
06:29What?
06:29It's going to be quite difficult to go to the loo
06:31while they're singing.
06:35Why?
06:37Because they're right there.
06:40Oh!
06:42I'll cancel it.
06:44I know.
06:45And, you know power's not perfect here,
06:47and we have this one.
06:48So, there's some worry that, you know,
06:50we're going to have to turn stuff off in there
06:53when they start singing.
06:55The problem is...
06:57Well, the problem is,
06:59we've got people booked in, you know,
07:02right away,
07:038.45 onwards.
07:06So, we're still going to be serving food.
07:07So, what you're saying is we can't serve food...
07:09Main...
07:10And have a gig on at the same time.
07:13Do you want Andrea Core...
07:14To be giving you a bollocks...
07:16Or a sausage roll.
07:17Or a sausage roll.
07:18Yay!
07:18Let's have the cores.
07:27This seems very exciting.
07:29Once the sound check was over...
07:31Those acoustics aren't bad, are they?
07:33They're really good.
07:34I showed the cores to their dressing room.
07:37It's actually my office,
07:39which I've given over to you.
07:40That's very nice.
07:42Oh!
07:42Lovely.
07:43Yeah, mind the steps.
07:44This is...
07:45Oh!
07:46Wow!
07:47Yeah, it smells a bit.
07:48Who did the decor?
07:50Oh, like the Smarties are particular.
07:51No, no, no.
07:52Not Smarties.
07:53What are they?
07:54M&M's?
07:55Yeah, but what have we done?
07:57Just to show...
07:58You've taken out the brown ones!
08:00There.
08:00We took out the brown ones.
08:02That was the Prince.
08:02I thought it was Van Halen.
08:04Yeah, it could have been.
08:05I thought it was Prince.
08:07Anyway, this is you bringing them.
08:09There's my office chair.
08:11You're more than welcome.
08:11Wow.
08:13Well, I'm sorry it's not bigger.
08:14Right.
08:14And I'm sorry that there's a beam in it.
08:16But, just...
08:17Well, you're on at, what?
08:18Eight?
08:19And it's now five.
08:21Anyway, I'll leave you to it.
08:22I'm just going to go out and close the door.
08:24Do you think we could get a heater?
08:24You don't lock us in there.
08:25Fan heater.
08:26Yeah, like a heater.
08:27No, we haven't got one.
08:27Well, we...
08:28The problem is we haven't got enough electricity.
08:31Oh.
08:31We barely...
08:32We're genuinely worried.
08:33It's either cooking tonight or singing.
08:36OK.
08:36And you won't be disturbed in here.
08:37That's important.
08:38OK.
08:39See you later, guys.
08:40Thanks, Jeremy.
08:41Let's do that.
08:47Two hours and 55 minutes later, the cause were, understandably, quite keen to get on stage.
08:56Oh, God.
09:00I do love you touring with James May.
09:02I think that's great.
09:02It's nice to see you.
09:03Painful employment.
09:07Ladies and gentlemen.
09:10Thank you very much.
09:12Next week, they will be performing at the O2.
09:16But tonight, they will be performing in the Farmer's Dog, the first band to do so.
09:23Ladies and gentlemen, the cause!
09:30Good evening, you fine folk of the Farmer's Dog.
09:46The cause then delighted the room with some of their biggest hits.
09:50So go on.
09:52Go on.
09:54Go on.
09:54Come on.
09:55Believe me.
09:56Breathless.
09:57Take me.
09:58Teach me.
09:59Until I can't deny this.
10:02I would run away with you.
10:21Do you remember the cause?
10:23No.
10:24No, there they are.
10:33By the end, Charlie had stopped worrying about electricity and lavatories and had even taken to the dance floor.
10:58Thank you very much.
11:01Thank you very much.
11:03Thank you very much.
11:05Afterwards, their biggest fan of many years standing couldn't wait to congratulate them.
11:11Yeah.
11:12Lovely to meet you.
11:12That was amazing.
11:13Thank you.
11:14That vibe, honestly, it was, for me, tonight is the full pinch pinch.
11:20When you go, we had this idea of what the pub would be like.
11:24And then you look at this and go, we've done it. We've actually done it.
11:36A couple of days later, it was time for another big event.
11:42Only this one was much more serious.
11:46Yeah, look at this.
11:47Hello, all.
11:49Because today was the day of the Farmers' Rally in London.
12:05Morning, all.
12:08Hello.
12:09Hello.
12:10James.
12:11James.
12:11Charlie.
12:16The diddly squat convoy thundered down the M40.
12:23And once it reached London, I sought advice on the conundrum running round my head.
12:30Right, to speak or not to speak? Do you have a vote?
12:36What, just generally speak or not to speak?
12:38Well, the doctor told me not to speak. Amazon's told me not to speak.
12:50There it is, Caleb, look.
12:51What's that?
12:52That's the Royal Albert Hall.
12:53Is that a museum?
12:55No.
12:59At the end of this street is Parliament Square, by the House of Parliament are.
13:04Right, let's get kitted up.
13:08Morning, morning.
13:10Are you all completely lost now, I'm guessing, aren't you?
13:12Yeah.
13:13Sorry, I lived here 30 years. Follow me, I know where we're going.
13:18None of us fancied being part of a riot-hungry mob.
13:22But when we reached Whitehall, the location of the rally,
13:25veteran broadcaster Andrew Marr sort of put that worry to bed.
13:31It's early in the day, it's only 11 o'clock or so, and it's wet,
13:35but there's lots of comments about this was going to be overtaken by the far right,
13:38it was going to be extremist.
13:39And I've come down to look, and this is mainstream, patient, weather-beaten,
13:44and decent Britain on the streets. It's really impressive.
13:49Isle of Wight, Hertfordshire, Devon.
13:55We're quite a small farm, only about just over 200 acres,
13:59but it's going to hit us hard.
14:01We're arable, we'll never ever be able to afford what they want us to pay,
14:05and we will have to sell up.
14:07How can you ask people to give up a lifestyle
14:10and punish them for producing food and looking after the countryside?
14:17Meanwhile, Charlie had been asked by a reporter for a quick comment.
14:21And she was indeed getting his version of quick.
14:25And out of those 1,500, there will be a minority that are not impacted
14:30by the combination of business and agricultural property.
14:33You know, it has a massive impact.
14:35But yes, financially, but also on confidence to invest in future production.
14:40And you've just, you know, that confidence has just been pulled away.
14:47Dairy cows worth 2,000, that's 1.2 million.
14:50So they'll have a tax liability on the actual asset that they're producing milk from.
14:55We have two minutes open tomorrow now, so if that's OK to wrap, that'd be great.
14:59Thank you so much.
15:01By noon, with Whitehall absolutely packed by thousands of farmers and their families,
15:07the speakers took to the stage.
15:10This week in the Lords, I spoke against this proposal from the Labour benches
15:15and from every bench in that House, Conservative, Liberal Democrat,
15:20cross benches and even the Bishops, speakers condemned this policy.
15:25You have the backing of the nation for what you are doing here today.
15:34Very good.
15:37I'm Olly Harrison. I'm just an arable farmer from near Liverpool.
15:42My family has farmed in Tarback for 175 years,
15:46with me being the fifth generation and James Dreaming of being the sixth.
15:57Why do we farm?
16:00Why do we accept low prices?
16:04Why do we put up with low wages and long hours?
16:09I'll tell you why.
16:11We farm for our children.
16:15We farm to feed the nation.
16:18We farm because it's in our blood.
16:22And we farm because we love it.
16:27No one does it for the money.
16:30There is none.
16:33Do they know what it's like to get up at 4am to feed cows?
16:37No!
16:39Do they know what it's like to give CPR to a weak lamb?
16:43No!
16:45Do they know what it's like to unblock a combine at 2am?
16:48With bleeding hands and knuckles because of the thistle in it.
16:52No!
16:54Do the government even know where food comes from?
16:57No!
17:00Today we come together to show the government we will be heard.
17:04Downing Street, if you can hear us, you need to fix this.
17:16I couldn't possibly match the emotional power of Ollie's words.
17:22But I did think there was one point I could make.
17:26Hello everybody!
17:29Now I know a lot of people all across the country and all walks of life
17:33took a bit of a kick on the shin with that budget.
17:36You lot got a knee in the nuts!
17:41I know you've heard a lot about it today and I'm not going to dwell on that.
17:45Now, I will just say this.
17:47Rachel Reeves has told us, what is it, 72% of farms are going to be unaffected by this.
17:56Let's see if we can educate her here.
17:58How many people here, if you'd raise your hands, are from a family farm?
18:03I want to see...
18:04Right.
18:05That's a lot of hands.
18:06Now, I want you to lower them, if, if, you think, and you've had time to work this out,
18:12you think you're going to be unaffected by the changes to APR and BPR.
18:17Put your hands down if you're going to be unaffected.
18:20Thank you.
18:22My case rests.
18:26Thank you everybody!
18:37In the end, I was glad I'd gone to the rally and spoken.
18:42But not everyone shared that view.
18:47Doctor went berserk with me last night.
18:50What for? What, just...
18:53She went...
18:55You know, we told you to have six weeks rest.
18:58She said, I meant sitting by the fire drinking minestrone soup.
19:02Reading a book.
19:07I haven't been doing that.
19:10What can I do, Kay?
19:12Caleb and Lisa obviously agreed with the doctor.
19:15Because when I tried to help them with the cow weighing,
19:18I was immediately fired.
19:21No, no, no, don't. Stop it.
19:23Just don't.
19:26You're going to hurt your back and then you're going to...
19:29I love this.
19:30This is great.
19:32I know you don't want me helping, but who would do this without me?
19:35Well, I think Caleb and I could manage this.
19:37Go on.
19:39592.
19:40Having been shooed away, I did some irritating government paperwork.
19:47But this quickly became boring.
19:50So I went down to the woods to cut down a Christmas tree for the pub.
19:55Where are they?
19:57Yes, there's a tree.
20:00It's a beauty.
20:02I must be careful not to cut myself because I'm on blood thinners.
20:09As it turned out, this wasn't the medical issue that mattered.
20:37I should move down there.
20:51İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
21:15İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
21:41İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
21:51İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
22:06İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
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22:15İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
22:19İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
22:22İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
22:25İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
22:59İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
24:05İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
24:35İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
24:46İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
25:27İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
26:10İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
27:23İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
27:26abone olun.
27:28abone olun.
27:29abone olun.
27:32abone olun.
27:44abone olun.
27:53abone olun.
27:54abone olun.
27:58abone olun.
27:59abone olun.
28:04abone olun.
28:06abone olun.
28:07abone olun.
28:08abone olun.
28:35abone olun.
28:36abone olun.
28:37abone olun.
28:38abone olun.
28:46abone olun.
28:48abone olun.
28:50abone olun ~!
29:15abone olun.
29:18abone ol
29:18İzlediğiniz için teşekkür ederim.
29:48The geese that you sent will cover us for tonight, no more.
29:52Reindeer. Are there any reindeer near here?
29:56Are there any reindeer near here?
29:59So we get a normal deer.
30:01Which will freak when a kid goes near it.
30:03How high does the fences have to be here for deers?
30:05Like six feet, eight feet.
30:06OK, so we put six foot...
30:08It looked like a Prisoner of War camp.
30:10I know, I went to Stalag Luft III the other day, it's interesting.
30:13Which is impressive, but I'm not sure it's the right theme.
30:18Plastic animals.
30:20That would look great.
30:21I mean, it wouldn't, but it would be great.
30:24That's the first good idea you've had.
30:28Later that night, Lisa decided that all her geese guests
30:32should be made to share her pain.
30:36Yes, and I thought all these geese would last from now until Christmas Day.
30:41No, no, no, you've eaten them all tonight, apparently.
30:48As for me, Charlie had eventually signed off on my grotto plan,
30:54but I couldn't start on it just yet.
30:58That's it.
31:00Because with winter now upon us...
31:02Hello, cows and endgame.
31:05...the time had come to move our four-legged residents...
31:09Sorry, cows.
31:11...into the warmth of their barn.
31:13What are you doing now for?
31:15You're not boxing.
31:17You might come at me.
31:18Good endgame.
31:19Yes, my friend, aren't you?
31:25That's good.
31:29And that, my dear, is how you move sheeps.
31:34Once the animals were sorted, I could get cracking with my grotto.
31:42And having advertised in nearby villages for a Santa...
31:49..a local chap had applied for the job.
31:51I can again when I can, but, you know, I've got four dogs.
31:55And you're not a paedophile.
31:57Not a paedophile, no.
31:59Right.
32:00With the cheques done and Santa hired...
32:04..the next job was to move the goose hut up to the pub.
32:09And once that was done...
32:12..I could start turning it into a grotto.
32:16Erm, here's my plan.
32:19We're going to have the aminals and the nativity scene in there...
32:24..with straw on the floor.
32:25And then in here will be Father Christmas's grotto,
32:29so we'll have to carpet this.
32:31And this will be Snuggie.
32:35And, lo, the geese shall go, and there shall be rugs.
32:41Right.
32:43Presents.
32:47Technically, these aren't reindeer, but...
32:51Yeah.
32:56And there shall be light.
32:59Elf of the week.
33:02...his writing desk.
33:09Santa's weed.
33:11Once I'd furnished Santa's grotto and laid out the nativity scene...
33:17This is amazing. Look at this.
33:19I thought it wise to refresh my memory about the birth of the baby Jesus.
33:25So I've got myself, from the local church, um, a Bible.
33:32And in Matthew, it says that Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph.
33:39I thought they were married.
33:40OK, they were engaged.
33:41But before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit.
33:46Now, he presents that as a fact.
33:47No checking, no back-up.
33:49She's pregnant with the Holy Spirit.
33:52And because Joseph, her husband, was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace,
33:58He had in mind to divorce her quietly. What?
34:04I'd never read that before.
34:06But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said,
34:10Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in
34:17her is from the Holy Spirit.
34:19Then the virgin, well, she isn't, will be with child and will give birth to a son and they will
34:26call him Immanuel.
34:29What?
34:32Immanuel? Why?
34:35Why would they name the child after a 70s porn film?
34:39Honestly, Matthew,
34:41he writes like I do. It's just all made up as he's going along.
34:45Besides Matthew's baffling version of events, there was a more immediate issue,
34:50as I explained to the Reverend Cooper upon his arrival.
34:56What worries me, Caleb?
34:57Yeah.
34:59This was what we rented as the infant baby Jesus. Look at the hair.
35:06That's quite a lot of hair.
35:07I've taken some groin and I've been there in the summer.
35:09I mean, that is basically, this is the son of Barry Gibb.
35:14Who's Barry Gibb?
35:15For me, the offspring of a BG simply didn't work as the baby Jesus.
35:21So, I'd bought an alternative.
35:24It looks awful.
35:25Well, it looks better than this.
35:27Will you get some swaddling clothes on that?
35:29It's got a hat on it.
35:31It's a cabbage patch Jesus.
35:35Is it a cabbage patch? I think it is.
35:37It's not a cabbage patch.
35:37Isn't it?
35:38Basically calling it a vegetable, saying that.
35:40It wasn't born with a hat, back in whatever BC it was or something.
35:45Whatever BC it was?
35:46I don't know. When was it?
35:48Nought. That's the point.
35:50Well, it's not BC.
35:52Oh, God.
35:53It's true.
35:54Caleb, do you know what BC stands for?
35:57No, I thought it was probably the...
35:58Before Christ.
35:59So, there were people before Christ?
36:01Yeah, there were people before Christ.
36:03So, why...
36:03I thought the whole intention of the Bible was that God come along,
36:07created Jesus, and that was like the birth of people.
36:11No?
36:13No.
36:14Well, where do you think Mary and Joseph were?
36:16How did they happen?
36:17I don't know.
36:17I thought they, like, they wanted a T-Rex,
36:19and then all of a sudden they were a monkey,
36:21and then they come to this.
36:22There was a T-Rex and a monkey,
36:24and then Mary and Joseph had...
36:26I just thought evolution come along,
36:27and, you know, we were once a monkey,
36:29and then we started talking,
36:30and all of a sudden we started becoming humans.
36:31Yes, that's evolution.
36:32That's what happened.
36:33Yeah, so, that's what I thought this happened.
36:35That's...
36:35No, no, the Bible tells us that God came...
36:38Well, it's fake, because she can't get pregnant
36:41without having a penis inside her.
36:43Well, she did.
36:44It's impossible.
36:45Well, he believed her.
36:46Anyway, let's not get bogged down in that.
36:48Who's Gloria?
36:50It's actually the angel Gabriel,
36:52who's brought a towel along with Gloria written on it.
36:54She's obviously got the sex of the infant wrong.
36:56It looks great, isn't it?
36:58Yeah.
36:58The kids are going to love this, eh?
36:59I know they are.
37:02And I still hadn't finished,
37:05because despite Charlie's enthusiasm for the animals being plastic,
37:09I thought my grotto would be better if it had some real livestock.
37:15So, while I decorated the outside...
37:17Lovely job.
37:19...Charles Darwin went off to get some.
37:25Welcome, ghost, to your new home.
37:28Come on.
37:29In you go.
37:31Come on, you.
37:32Go on.
37:33Yeah, look round the corner like, what the fuck is that?
37:36Well, that's their nemesis.
37:37I mean, this is the symbol of the devil.
37:39And in there is the baby Jesus.
37:44Look at them happy goats.
37:47Oh, he's having a piss already in there.
37:49Oh, what's he done?
37:50He's eating the fairy lights.
37:52Is that actually powered by electricity?
37:54We should...
37:55I need to stop that.
37:57Shit.
37:57They're going to electrocute themselves.
37:59We have an emergency.
38:01Here you go.
38:03Is that the mistletoe?
38:04Huh?
38:05Right.
38:06No, it's the holly.
38:07Okay.
38:08Isn't it?
38:09I don't know.
38:10Huh?
38:10Oh, fuck!
38:17There's glass here.
38:19Oh, fuck!
38:20It's to stop the goats coming in here, mate.
38:23It wasn't there earlier, though.
38:25Yeah, well, it is now.
38:26I put it in to stop the goats coming into our Santa scene.
38:31No, don't eat baby Jesus.
38:40Eventually, I had to break away from the grotto
38:42because Dilwin was coming over to check and vaccinate the Easy Care sheep again.
38:50and up at their field, where clearly a lot of ram action had been going on,
38:55Caleb had nearly done a good job of rounding them up.
38:59The fence is on.
39:02Why is that one not in, Caleb?
39:04Can't get it in.
39:05What?
39:06She is an arsehole.
39:08Why won't you go in?
39:10Yeah, can you go and open that gate?
39:11I've got it.
39:12Go and open that gate.
39:13Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick.
39:14I can't do quick.
39:15Hold that, hold that far end.
39:17Shush your noise.
39:18Stop it.
39:18Ow, you fucking sheep.
39:20Oh, my God.
39:22Stop!
39:24Fuck's sake!
39:27Hello, sheeps, with your triangular Easy Birth heads.
39:33Vagina-friendly head shapes.
39:35That's what you've got.
39:36Jeremy, Jeremy!
39:37Hey, hey, hey, hey.
39:39Oh, just slowly.
39:41Hold that far again.
39:44Ah, fuck!
39:47It's electrified.
39:52Holy shit.
39:57You let one out.
39:58Oh, don't.
39:59I think it's just broke my finger.
40:01These Easy Care sheep are proving to...
40:04Well, they damn nearly turned him into...
40:07Both my arms.
40:09Oh, my finger is really painful.
40:13Being a vet, Dilwin wasn't really interested in our human injuries.
40:17He just wanted to vaccinate the sheep against a rather nasty new disease.
40:23Blue tongue.
40:24Am I right in saying it's like a little midge, a little mosquito-y thing?
40:27Blue tongue is caused by a virus, which is carried by midges.
40:32Midges.
40:32And they started in Holland, blue across the channel.
40:36Yep.
40:36And blue tongue also kills sheep.
40:38OK.
40:39Well, let's get on and inject them.
40:45Pinch of skin?
40:46Yeah, pinch of skin.
40:47Working in there.
40:51Are you marking them?
40:53Yeah.
40:54It's not a brilliant look.
40:55They look like Adam and the Ant.
40:57Dillwin then decided, as we'd finally got the sheep in a pen, he should clip their toenails.
41:04Is this going to stop them being late?
41:06That is the plan.
41:08Just sit still.
41:09Be like a cow.
41:10Normally, when you have them on their back, they just sit there.
41:14Oh, wow.
41:15This is like you're doing a nail salon.
41:18One down, 58 to go.
41:20Is this sheep number three you're doing now?
41:22Two.
41:24We're going to be here all day.
41:25Yeah.
41:31With all the sheeps fully manicured, we could get back to the grotto,
41:35which still needed some finishing touches, starting with my snow machine.
41:42All right, I think this is how you do it.
41:49Look!
41:50That's wicked.
41:54We are not going to feature in the Daily Mail's annual shit Christmas grotto photo, are we?
42:00But it's sticking to the trees, though, it looks...
42:04And then, to complete the nativity scene...
42:09Come on, Brittany.
42:11Whoa, now what do you think of this, goats?
42:14Something else to eat.
42:17I love donkeys.
42:24Oh, no, no.
42:24Right, thank you.
42:25Oh, shit.
42:27Jesus is having a tough time, I must be honest.
42:31Over in the Santa section of the grotto, I then spotted another problem.
42:36We're going to need a cameraman in here so we can film the scene of Santa with the children.
42:42But that would rather spoil the mood if you put that in here.
42:46I then had a brainwave, which required the help of our camera assistant.
42:52Joey?
42:53Joey?
42:54Yep.
42:55Mate.
42:57This is a big ask.
43:06Are you serious?
43:13An hour later, everything was ready in the farmer's dog Christmas grotto.
43:19Even the cast of characters.
43:23This looks amazing.
43:24Santa!
43:25Hello, little boy.
43:27Well, that's debatable.
43:30As the first of the families turned up...
43:33Oh, hello.
43:39Charlie arrived and even he was impressed.
43:42You know I have my doubts about this thing.
43:46I know, you have your doubts about everything.
43:48I know, well, we're...
43:49It's really good, actually.
43:51And the business plan, £10 a ticket.
43:54The presents were £4.
43:57Yeah.
43:57Father Christmas, can't remember how much we're paying him, not much.
44:00We're using a camera assistant as an elf.
44:03Yeah.
44:04So, of your £10, have you taken 20% off?
44:07Oh, I don't know.
44:08Why are you bringing accountancy into the festers?
44:11Of the ten, we only keep eight, because we have to give 20% to the government.
44:16Anyway, listen, this is the biggest problem,
44:18and never mind your accountancy.
44:20What? No!
44:22What?
44:23Jesus is being tossed around like an empty pair of pyjamas.
44:27Are you ready?
44:29Oh, no!
44:29Right.
44:30Oh, no!
44:32Oh!
44:32Oh, no!
44:33Oh, no!
44:34Get away!
44:37While the endlessly comedic goats laid waste to the grotto,
44:42it was time for the rest of us to down tools and, in our own diddly squat way,
44:48celebrate Christmas.
44:52Out on the roads, we joined all the local farmers who'd temporarily forgotten about Rachel Reeves,
44:58so they could entertain the children with their annual Christmas tractor run.
45:09How are you, Jenny?
45:11How are you?
45:12How are you?
45:12Nice to meet you.
45:13Meanwhile, at the farmer's dog, we hosted a Christmas lock-in for all the people who'd helped us make it
45:19a success.
45:21All right, guys, help yourselves. The bar is open.
45:28Along with all the familiar faces,
45:33There were diddly-squat alumni from previous years.
45:38Look who's here.
45:39All right?
45:40Like Kevin and Ellen, the sheep people.
45:44I was reading you had shedding sheep.
45:46Yeah, we've got easy care.
45:48Yeah.
45:48One of them was so easy to care for, it dies.
45:51Even Mr. No No No Tom turned up, proudly announcing he was now a published author.
45:59It's your book.
46:01Yeah, I used to go out with local grapes and do moss dogs and stuff.
46:06It's fantastic.
46:06It's fantastic.
46:07I thought it sent a guide to finding Moses.
46:15Lisa, Harriet's waters are present.
46:18Did you make that?
46:19Yes.
46:20You made it?
46:20Yes.
46:21Thanks, Harriet.
46:22It hangs that way.
46:23It's Christmassy and violent.
46:26And my sister and my dad shot them all and killed that person.
46:31Oh, that is brilliant.
46:33I want to actually hang it.
46:34You don't have to put it all.
46:36Yes, we do.
46:37We do.
46:38Are you all right?
46:40You like that?
46:41Yeah.
46:41And then you pick it up with your mouth.
46:43What?
46:43Okay.
46:44How could it be Mick Jagger to get that?
46:47No.
46:48Hang on.
46:49Okay.
46:50Right, so.
46:51No, no, no, not on your knees.
46:53No hands and no knees.
46:58Ha-ha.
47:01You ready, Gerald?
47:03Yeah.
47:04Right, 101, yeah?
47:06Double out.
47:06Who do maths?
47:07I'm quite good at that.
47:09Nothing in.
47:09There's no light on the dartboard, are you?
47:11I can't see it.
47:12You're getting closer every time.
47:14You should get your head torch and put it on it.
47:17Yay!
47:18That was good.
47:19What's the price anyway?
47:21I'll buy you a drink.
47:22It's a free bar.
47:23I know.
47:24I know, that's my point.
47:33Could you do that?
47:35Absolutely zero, Charles.
47:36I couldn't.
47:37Absolutely ridiculous.
47:38I was on my hands and knees.
47:39Come on Charles, I'll do health and safety for you.
47:43Oh Jesus, hang on.
47:45What? No way, that's not going to happen.
47:49No, 21.
47:50What? You didn't get 12, you got 9.
47:53You got 9, 7 and a 5.
47:58As the drink flowed and the fire roared...
48:03...make the Yuletire gay.
48:08There was no doubt we'd made a really good pub.
48:13Troubles will be miles away.
48:17But in the new year, I knew we had to make a really good farm as well.
48:23A merry little Christmas now.
48:30It's sort of a weird leave in England.
48:32This is what abroad is like.
48:35Wow.
48:36Bloody hell.
48:38This is the future of farming.
48:39Holy shit.
48:41This is just... My mind is in overdrive right now.
48:45It's...
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