- 2 days ago
First broadcast 10th October 2014.
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Johnny Vegas
Jason Manford
Aisling Bea
Stevyn Colgan
Stephen Fry
Alan Davies
Johnny Vegas
Jason Manford
Aisling Bea
Stevyn Colgan
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00To QI, where tonight we'll be looking at the three L's.
00:03That's location, location, and location.
00:07And on the road to L are the fiendish Aisling B.
00:15The diabolical Jason Manford.
00:22The Mephistophelian Johnny Vegas.
00:28And that infernal Alan Davis.
00:37You all have satanic horns.
00:40Aisling goes.
00:43Jason goes.
00:47Johnny goes.
00:53And Alan has a tail.
00:55Are we nearly there yet?
01:00Now, for your convenience, we have a lavatory on site.
01:09This being the L series, there is a very good chance that there will be one question to which the
01:14answer will be lavatorial.
01:17You all right, darling?
01:18Sorry, that's harder than I thought it was.
01:21Hit yourself with a penny.
01:24And if that is the case, you can play your spend-a-penny card.
01:27And if you are right, you will get extra points.
01:30Such is the nature of that particular joker.
01:32Now, here's a question about a very special location.
01:35What would you find at the exact centre of the observable universe?
01:40Oh, you?
01:45Well, oddly enough.
01:47Norfolk.
01:48Norfolk, yes.
01:52There is a centre of the universe, really.
01:54So, isn't the centre of the universe just the person who's looking out?
01:59Because it must be the same...
02:00You are so absolutely right, it hurts.
02:03In any direction, yes.
02:04Oh, absolutely.
02:10I know a thing, I know a thing, because our esteemed creator, John Lloyd, in his rather good Edinburgh Festival
02:20show,
02:21told us that of all the billions of galaxies that there are, there are only a certain number observable from
02:29Earth.
02:29Do you know what it is?
02:30Do you know what it is?
02:31Do you know?
02:31Four.
02:32Four.
02:33With the naked eye.
02:34Four quash observable from Earth.
02:35Four.
02:36Other galaxies.
02:37Other than that.
02:37And, well...
02:39I remember at school them doing something with a balloon, the teacher, and he put loads of dots on a
02:45balloon,
02:45and then he sort of said it was like the closest to explaining the universe easily could do.
02:51That's absolutely right.
02:52Although there has been an absolute statement of where the centre of the universe is,
02:57which is that it's at the meeting of Bank Street and 6th Street in the town of Wallace, Idaho.
03:03There it is.
03:04Centre of the universe.
03:05Is that the mayor of Idaho, though?
03:06Because he said that.
03:07Well, it kind of did well for tourism and gone,
03:10why don't we just say the centre of the universe is here?
03:12You're absolutely right.
03:13He said it because there was no particular scientific evidence to say that it wasn't.
03:16Oh, I see.
03:17I see.
03:19We all say that.
03:20We'll have it.
03:21Yeah.
03:21But it's an...
03:22Americans like to stake a claim.
03:23They're land grabbers.
03:24It's in their...
03:25Yeah.
03:26In their DNA, so to be.
03:28Not that we weren't in our colonial era, of course.
03:30Isn't the sun the centre of the universe?
03:34Well, sorry.
03:35I didn't want to laugh.
03:44I thought that was a serious question as well.
03:46We both looked to you, and you looked at us like the peasants on the land.
03:49Will we ever be free of this tyranny?
03:52No, never, never, never.
03:54I might go in the toilet, but doesn't the wicky hole witch live there?
03:59Well, I'm sorry that it sounded quite so personalising.
04:02The centre of the universe is apparently Bank Street and 6th Street in Wallace, Idaho.
04:06Oh, or the sun.
04:08Yes.
04:20The beasts, the beasts, the unalterable beasts, the exact centre of the observable universe,
04:26You'll find the unbearable likeness of Johnny Vegas, or whoever happens to be observing it
04:31We all know what the big bang theory is, but what's the big splat theory?
04:39Does the big bang come out of the big splat?
04:41No, no
04:43It doesn't
04:44Is it the last thing you hear before an anvil hits your head?
04:48Oh, horrible, yes
04:51Is there something to do with, I don't know, the earth?
04:55Is the earth and the moon and all the other planets one thing, and then it's the name
04:59You're on fire today, Jason Manford
05:00Am I?
05:01Thank you, Mr. Stiliano
05:04Physics teacher
05:04It is a theory, it's the sort of predominant theory, because nobody knows where the moon came from
05:10There was a theory that there was a planet called Thea, in Greek mythology Thea was the mother of Selene,
05:17who's the goddess of the moon
05:18And that there was a collision with the earth
05:23That's it, I remember that
05:25There it is
05:26It looks like a sun hat, like the world is having, going on a night
05:32Has the world gone to the races?
05:35The other is that Thea banged into the earth, or banged a piece of matter into the earth
05:39If that were true, then the moon should contain bits of alien rock, as well as earth rock
05:44As it is, it only contains bits of rock that are similar to those on earth, almost identical
05:48Didn't something land and kill all the dinosaurs?
05:50There were several extinction events, one of which was supposedly a big, big, big, big meteor
05:55The other one was a huge volcano, which caused a huge greenhouse effect
05:59I remember years ago, you know when Mount St. Helens went off in the States, that was at an age
06:05where I obviously thought it was in my hometown
06:08I thought my parents were being incredibly casual
06:14About the impending doom, and I had to get back in the bag and saying we should really go to
06:19Blackpool
06:21Or at least to a safe zone
06:23I thought St. Helens was only a rugby league team, I didn't know it was a town as well
06:27Yeah, it was huge, we're big enough to be a city
06:29Oh, how rude of you
06:30If we could build a cathedral, but that would attract outsiders, and they were the only question nowadays
06:37Do you know what?
06:37And who wants that, Stephen?
06:39I think we might be coming to your ways later
06:41Oh, okay
06:42Yeah, so be on the key vive, as they say in France
06:45Yeah, the fact is, the big splat is one of the theories about the creation of the moon
06:49There are a few others, I'll go through them if you like
06:51One was Charles Darwin's son, George, who said that a huge lump of material was flung off the earth
06:56By the extreme speed of its rotation at the beginning of its existence
06:59Nonsense
07:00And this
07:02The whole left is the Pacific Ocean
07:05That's what his theory was
07:07Oh, no, he's guessing there
07:08Well, yeah
07:09He's got a clever dad and thought, people will believe me
07:12And there's a final theory, which we rather like
07:14Which is that Venus had the moon, and we appropriated it as it passed by at one point
07:19It was particularly good, because it was
07:20The people who devised this theory don't really believe it
07:23They just want to keep the argument alive and come up with fresh ideas
07:26Which is rather pleasing
07:28They just invented a theory
07:30To keep the argument alive
07:31Basically, yeah
07:32I had an ex-girlfriend like that
07:36Very good, I can imagine it
07:38Yes, nobody knows where the moon came from
07:40Now, if Johnny and Jason got naked
07:43Covered their legs
08:02He's still the beating hearts of the nation
08:04If they got naked
08:06Covered their legs in lard
08:08And put their hands on each other's shoulders
08:11What could we expect to happen next?
08:14I would guess
08:15Ofcom would get involved
08:18Something com
08:19Yeah
08:19Yeah
08:21I'd obviously be the female in the relationship
08:25I'm the one who needs rescue it
08:27Yeah
08:29Why are their legs in lard?
08:30Are they going to slither about?
08:32Legs are important in this particular pursuit
08:34You were talking about
08:35We don't want people to come to St. Helens
08:37Because they might
08:38Might not approve of our ways
08:40It's a red wine
08:42That we are about to trample the grapes for
08:44That you can also fry with
08:45I like the idea
08:52It's the first kind of
09:03Lancashire wine
09:04He's goose fart
09:05Except this time
09:05They'd be using comedians
09:06Kind of dripping
09:08You know what?
09:09These potatoes taste a bit funny
09:10You'll try
09:11I'm Johnny dripping
09:12No
09:14We're in
09:15North
09:16And
09:16Forgive me
09:17It's my accent
09:18I do my best
09:19We're in
09:20North
09:21And
09:21Yeah
09:23Alright
09:23It's a pursuit
09:24It's a pursuit
09:25It's a pursuit in the northwest
09:26It's not shin kicking
09:28Yes it is shin kicking
09:29You knew about shin kicking
09:31I did my own comfort zone
09:33Very good
09:38There you are
09:39And I don't know if he left
09:41Did he bequeath you his pair of cloaks?
09:43He was
09:43You know what?
09:44By the time I knew him
09:44He was blind
09:45And
09:46Spoke
09:46Like pretty much nonsense
09:48In the corner
09:49But
09:49He was a phenomenal shin kicker
09:52He was a very tough man
09:54And that was his pastime
09:55Was shin kicking
09:55Is that a blade?
09:57Yes it is
09:58Take it in turns
09:59Oh yeah
09:59To kick each other in the shin
10:01As hard as you can
10:01And it's the first person
10:03To
10:04To
10:04To basically
10:05Do you know what they cry
10:05If they give up?
10:06It's rather wonderful
10:07You'd think it'd be
10:08I give in
10:08Or
10:08Oh stop it
10:09No
10:09Go on with your bother
10:11No
10:14It's not
10:14It's not that
10:16It's not that
10:17They shout
10:18Sufficient
10:22That's the cry
10:26I don't know
10:26That's my climax call
10:29Sufficient
10:37I'd like to say
10:38There's no domestic violence involved
10:41We're not greedy
10:43In our nature
10:43I have to confess
10:45I've never heard the phrase
10:46Climax call
10:47But
10:48It took a bit of time
10:49For me to understand
10:50What you were saying
10:51Forgive me for that
10:52It was actually from bird watching
10:54They ripped the skin off
10:55Each other's legs and stuff
10:57Oh yeah
10:57Oh god
10:58One of the reasons
10:59For larding the shins
11:00Was in order to encourage
11:01A glancing glow
11:02Rather than a really
11:03Vicious one
11:04But the skill was obviously
11:06To move your legs
11:07So it was a glancing glow
11:08If you put your arms under the shoulders
11:10You know the way you can't hit someone
11:11If you put them in arms length
11:12Do they try to not get kicked?
11:14I think it means
11:15You're in a stable position
11:16So you're not escaping completely
11:18But you can move your legs
11:19I don't know how short
11:20The legs are
11:21Of people you'll know
11:22You're standing there
11:24You've still got a fair bit of range
11:25Haven't you?
11:27Well in the
11:28You've been doing it with Ewoks
11:32The more I get to know you
11:33The more I think
11:34Men are mad
11:36They're always up to something ridiculous
11:38Kicking each other in the lardy shins
11:39You're like
11:42Shin kicking is probably
11:43What it was called
11:43On an everyday basis
11:44But in the 19th century
11:45There was a special word for it
11:47Which is purring
11:47Or purring
11:48Purring or pourring or parring
11:50They said it'd be all used
11:51Parring
11:51Purring
11:52Parring maybe
11:53Because you're parrying away
11:54Nobody quite knows
11:55But anyway
11:56It was a popular pastime
11:57A lot of betting on it
11:58And there are shin kickers
12:00To this day
12:01In the oldest Olympic games
12:03Since the
12:04Greek ones
12:06Which we've covered before
12:07Which are in the Cotswolds
12:08Do they have a
12:09Do they have a channel 4 programme
12:11Called
12:11Shin kickers wives
12:15My god
12:16He's making so much money
12:17Kicking chins
12:19I don't like his personality
12:21Is he called a stickler?
12:24He's a stickler
12:24He's the umpire or referee
12:26Stickler for the rules
12:27Exactly
12:27Now you can probably just see
12:29That he's got straw
12:30Coming out of the bottom
12:31Of his trousers
12:32And that's what they use
12:33They pad their shins
12:35They're not like
12:35Tough northerners
12:36They pad their shins
12:37Because this is in the Cotswolds
12:39Get a bit of lard on that
12:40You schifflad
12:41Next thing you know
12:42They've been bringing in crocs
12:46They've been going home for nine days
12:48The shin kicking
12:52That castle looks really old
12:53I'm not sure it's a real castle
12:57Don't spoil it
12:59You have to spoil everything
13:01You have to get that wind up
13:02And that's going over
13:03Are you sure this is a real castle?
13:07Yes
13:08My grand used to say sufficient
13:10When she'd eaten enough
13:11Oh ample sufficient
13:13Yeah
13:13That's the phrase
13:20And she didn't want to let on
13:22She'd just put her nerve
13:23That was sufficient
13:27Sitting there weeping
13:29Once you'd gone all
13:31We should have done it
13:32When we had the Olympics
13:33You know you're allowed to include
13:34A couple of games
13:35Like you know
13:35People going
13:36Put darts in
13:37Put like stuff we were good at
13:38Put snooker in
13:39She'd have gone
13:40Put shin kicking in
13:43Some poor Brazilian
13:44Take that Germany
13:46I just can't bear the thought
13:48Of all the other countries
13:49Beating us at it
13:50We invented this
13:51Yeah exactly
13:52Oh that's enough
13:53A Johnny Foreigner doing this
13:55To keep this quiet
13:57The shin kickers association
13:59Of Britain are known as scab
14:00You'd be pleased to know
14:01That's appropriately
14:02And Johnny's uncle was one
14:05Which is brilliant
14:05We never knew that
14:06I'm really impressed
14:07Shin kicking
14:08Was a popular sport
14:09In Lancashire pubs
14:10For 150 years
14:11Now here's a pub in Lancashire
14:13My question is
14:14How did spanking Roger
14:16Woo the ladies
14:17I love that pub
14:18Do you know it?
14:19Yeah I do
14:20Where is it?
14:21It's in like
14:21I think it's in Kersel
14:23Or Salford area
14:24Yeah it's Manchester area
14:25That's quite right
14:25When I went to university
14:27I know I did
14:29I lived in a place
14:31Called Castle Irwell
14:32Which was a dog track
14:33Before we
14:35Destroy it
14:36But every year
14:39There was a race
14:39Down the hill
14:40Naked
14:40And he would run
14:42Around the
14:42All the blokes
14:43Would
14:43I didn't
14:44Obviously
14:46I'm a grower
14:47Not a shower
14:51And this pub
14:52Was part
14:54I think the guy
14:54Spanking Roger
14:57He
14:57That's how he got
14:58His wife
14:58I think
14:59There was something
14:59To do with his wife
15:00Where he
15:01Was naked
15:02And she had a little look
15:02He was quite well and down
15:03I thought
15:04I love him
15:04You're right
15:05Well this naked
15:06Running was on
15:07Kersel Moor
15:08Kersel Moor
15:08Which has now become
15:09Castle Irwell
15:10Which is now
15:10Student village
15:11That's exactly it
15:12We've got a picture
15:12As it used to be
15:13Which is beautiful
15:14Yeah
15:14It was much more of a
15:15Shittall when I was
15:18Just vomit
15:19And empty
15:19Pringles tubes
15:23That guy
15:23Spanking Roger
15:24Even though it sounds
15:25Like he was a bit of an idiot
15:26He ended up being
15:27A big guy in the army
15:28Like he fought
15:29I think he defended
15:30Gibraltar
15:31Absolutely right
15:32He was the great
15:33Hero of Gibraltar
15:34This is brilliant
15:35He's on fire
15:45Millionaire
15:45Or something like that
15:46Going
15:46How did you know
15:47That was
15:49It is your manor
15:50Isn't it
15:50Yes
15:51That's where I grew up
15:52Yeah
15:52Around the corner
15:53And he was a fascinating
15:54Character
15:54Spanking Roger
15:55As he was known
15:56He was from Scotland
15:57Actually he was in
15:57The Scots Dragoons
15:58And he came down
15:59Six foot four high
16:00And an ample endowment
16:01It seems
16:02Because he did do
16:02The naked run
16:03That's why
16:10That's why
16:11It's called
16:11Spanking Roger
16:19He could only do it
16:21In the summer
16:21Where the slapping
16:22Didn't hurt him
16:23Quite so much
16:24But he did
16:25Catch the eye
16:25Catch the eye
16:26Of a 65 year old widow
16:28Who he married
16:30With his
16:31Catch the eye
16:35Her name was
16:37Minchel
16:37Barbara Minchel
16:38That's right
16:38Which is
16:39The Minchel Courts
16:40In Manchester
16:40And Minchel Street
16:42Is where
16:42That's where
16:43Her family
16:43She was a rich family
16:44Yeah
16:45I think she died
16:46She's back in the
16:471760s
16:47When they married
16:48The next day
16:49He was immediately
16:49Betraying her
16:50And spending all her money
16:51And he spent it on
16:52Essentially
16:53He would
16:53Bare knuckle fights
16:55If anybody beat him
16:56They were sort of free
16:57But if he beat them
16:58He dragooned them
16:59As it were
17:00Is that why he's called
17:01Spanking Roger?
17:01Well, yeah
17:03I mean
17:03He's called Spanking Roger
17:04Because he fought
17:04He was a brilliant
17:05Bare knuckle fighter
17:06Yeah, that's exactly
17:07The reason
17:07He's got kind of a camel fought
17:09For someone who's
17:10Running down
17:13I think the artist
17:15Was modest
17:16Eating his shorts
17:19And life was extraordinary
17:20Because he
17:21As you rightly say
17:22Was the hero of Gibraltar
17:23With this
17:24Dragooned army there
17:25It was the longest siege
17:26In British military history
17:27Held up for four years
17:29And kept the rock
17:30As we still have
17:31At time of going to press
17:32Unless the Spanish
17:32Have had something to do with it
17:33His wife died
17:34He got into terrible debt
17:35Came back impoverished
17:37Found another woman
17:37And we married
17:38She was Scottish
17:39And he died
17:40A very rich man indeed
17:41So he had a pretty
17:41Splendid life
17:42A spanking life
17:44Why do they say spanking
17:46For good in England
17:46All the spanking good time
17:48It's a very good point
17:49Isn't it
17:49The great
17:50Much lamented
17:51Christopher Hitchens
17:52Once said
17:52There is no surname
17:53In English
17:54That cannot be improved
17:55By having the word
17:57Spanker put in front of it
17:59Spanker Manford
18:02Spanker Vegas
18:03Spanker Bee
18:04Spanker Bee
18:05Is terrific
18:06Isn't it
18:07There's the queen bee
18:10There's worker bees
18:11And then there's a spanker
18:13I bumped into old
18:15Spanker Davies
18:17At the club
18:17The other day
18:25Well
18:26Spanking Roger
18:27Didn't spank ladies
18:28He spanked the French
18:29And the Spanish
18:31Roger was a strapping
18:32Six foot four inches
18:33With a Scottish accent
18:34But what's short
18:36Talks gibberish
18:37And is much sought after
18:38In Merseyside
18:39Johnny's uncle
18:42It is a diddy man
18:43It's not the diddy man
18:45Though oddly enough
18:45You could barely be closer
18:47In Liverpool
18:48There was this
18:49There it is
18:50In case you wanted to know
18:51What Merseyside looked like
18:52Very
18:52Cross the Mersey
18:53And
18:54What's the largest
18:55Best known
18:56Ethnic minority
18:58In Liverpool
18:58Would you say
18:59Irish I'd say
19:00The Irish of course
19:01Liverpool Irish
19:02Famous
19:03The Liverpool accent
19:04Is very like the Dublin accent
19:05And they're quite close
19:06To each other
19:07So like you know
19:07People talk like that
19:08That's all you do
19:09Eventually they'll talk from Liverpool
19:10And so if you go backwards
19:12Or you end up
19:12Ken Doherty
19:13That's right
19:13Yeah
19:14Exactly
19:15So
19:15You've got diddy man
19:17And you've got Ireland
19:18Are you saying
19:19Short talking gibberish
19:21Are Irish people
19:22No
19:23You've got diddy man
19:25You've got little people
19:26Little people created by Ken Dodd
19:28And you've got the Irish
19:29So it's not diddy man
19:30Leprechauns
19:31Leprechauns
19:32Thank you very much
19:33Johnny Ward
19:34Johnny Ward
19:35Johnny Ward
19:36Johnny Ward
19:36Johnny Ward
19:37Johnny Ward
19:37Johnny Ward
19:37Johnny Ward
19:38Johnny Ward
19:38Johnny Ward
19:38Johnny Ward
19:41It was a particular event
19:43In 1964
19:45It was
19:46Thousands of Liverpudlian children
19:49Streamed into the parks
19:50To look for leprechauns
19:52Because there was a rumor
19:53That some had been seen
19:54Or one had been seen
19:55Or something
19:56and they tore up plants and they ravaged the entire park system
20:00for 11 or 12 days in July 16th.
20:03And then it just stopped as suddenly as it had begun.
20:06It sounds like the Americans coming to Ireland.
20:10That's what they did looking for leprechauns.
20:12Then it just stopped, they took their IT companies with them,
20:14they just never came back.
20:16Can I just say, just to be a little bit of a nitpicker here,
20:19those are garden gnomes.
20:20Yeah, I know.
20:23Very emotionally offended.
20:29I'll give you a point if you tell me how a leprechaun should look.
20:32How a leprechaun should look?
20:33He should look charming in the eye.
20:37Right.
20:37He should have a sort of jaunty gait about him
20:41and then a green hat and green outfit.
20:43And you could only find him at the end of a rainbow.
20:44And should he be bearded?
20:45Should he be bearded?
20:47If he's not bearded, it is just a child wearing an outfit.
20:52Welcome in, you, darling.
20:53It's got a big red bushy beard.
20:54A red bushy beard?
20:55Have you?
20:56You've got a big red bushy beard.
20:58You've got a leprechaun.
20:59You can get him at Dublin Airport.
21:01A leprechaun?
21:02If you press it in the tummy, they go,
21:03an Irish eye is a smile.
21:05And it's one of the slowest, scariest things.
21:07Well, kids love it, but me and the one, I'm terrified.
21:09Is it like a chickie doll, like if anyone press it?
21:11It really is.
21:12An Irish eye goes, sorry.
21:13You keep throwing it out the window and then it keeps going back out.
21:17I go, go, go.
21:19I think it's supposed to be keeping it dreary,
21:21but it's actually really like a horror film.
21:23Oh, my way, look at your champ.
21:24Ha, ha, ha, ha.
21:26Oh, God.
21:27Oh, God.
21:41I can see you or whatever.
21:42I see you.
21:43The worst one is, I see you.
21:44I remember one night, I went to the toilet and just middle of the night,
21:51half asleep, and the batteries were going on it.
21:54And so I sort of heard, and all of a sudden I just heard,
21:56I see you.
22:02That's very disturbing.
22:03I wouldn't recover from that.
22:05Well, interesting.
22:06I mean, who am I to tell you that you've got it slightly wrong
22:10in what leprechauns look like, because...
22:12All right, Stephen.
22:13They don't...
22:13No, I'm going by.
22:14Look down upon me and tell me what we did wrong with that.
22:17I'm going on early information rather than late,
22:20you know, sort of 20th century information.
22:22There are inventions which come from the 20th century
22:25which include the fact that they wear green clothes and tall hats
22:28and they have ginger beards.
22:30According to fairy legends and traditions of the south of Ireland from 1825,
22:34proper leprechauns, if there is such a thing,
22:37are all...
22:37Do you know how they have a trade?
22:39Shoemakers.
22:40They're all shoemakers.
22:41And they are exclusively what?
22:44White.
22:47They are...
22:51They're exclusively white.
22:55And...
22:56Old?
22:56Male.
22:57Male is the right idea.
22:59And there's the shamrock, of course.
23:01There's a rule that an Irish person told me
23:03he's never going to an Irish pub in America or London
23:05that has a neon shamrock
23:07because it'll be crap.
23:08Is that right?
23:09Yeah.
23:09I mean, it would be a bit dodgy.
23:11Yeah.
23:11Any American sort of Irish pub.
23:13Yeah.
23:13Come on in to be sure
23:15and you'll have a right old great crack of a time.
23:19That would be very annoying.
23:22Yeah.
23:23But this particular chase happened, as I say, in 64,
23:25but in 1982,
23:26a man called Brian,
23:27which is a good Irish name,
23:29told the Liverpool Echo
23:30that he'd been working in the park
23:32when some children saw him
23:33and mocked him for his height
23:35or rather lack of it.
23:36And so, joining in the sport,
23:38he spoke in sort of...
23:40da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
23:41sort of Irish gibberish.
23:43I know, I'm sorry,
23:43I'm doing what he did.
23:46Threw sods of earth at them.
23:47And they ran away frightened,
23:49thinking he was a leprechaun.
23:51And so, because they called him a leprechaun
23:52with their problems.
23:53They said,
23:53Oi, you're a leprechaun.
23:55And he went,
23:56I am that.
23:56Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
23:58And so they all said,
23:59now we saw a leprechaun,
24:00we saw, you know,
24:01saw a real one,
24:02saw a real leprechaun in the park.
24:04And so all these kids,
24:06you know,
24:07they all invaded it.
24:07It's like a lost episode of Brookside.
24:09It is, isn't it?
24:11Where does it begin?
24:13But these particular things happen from time to time,
24:15these mass delusions
24:16or whatever you might call them,
24:18and they're called the children's hunt
24:19when they involve children.
24:21So in 1964,
24:22as Beatlemania swept the world,
24:24leprechaun mania swept Liverpool,
24:26which London attraction
24:27cost two arms and two legs to enter?
24:30Oh, look at that.
24:31Isn't that gorgeous?
24:32Oh, wow.
24:32Ladybird book,
24:33I'll be bound.
24:33Don't you think?
24:34Yes, that's very ladybird book.
24:35You've got the look of a ladybird book.
24:36It looks like there's been a pigeon accident
24:37and they're all gathered around the scene
24:39to see what happens.
24:41Is this picture a clue?
24:42No, it's not at all, actually.
24:43It's not to do with art, is it?
24:45No, it's not.
24:46Tower of London.
24:47The Tower of London is where we need to be,
24:49cue picture of Tower of London.
24:51Traitor's Gate, or whatever.
24:53There's Tower of London.
24:54And we're talking about an attraction
24:55within the Tower of London
24:57that lasted for 600 years.
25:00Henry I, who was a very early king,
25:02had a particular,
25:03rather exciting luxury
25:06that he was very fond of
25:07that he kept in Woodstock in Oxfordshire.
25:09And King John,
25:10who was late, 12th, early 13th century,
25:13moved it to the Tower of London,
25:14where it stayed for 600 years.
25:16And you had to pay to get in to see it.
25:19But you could,
25:21I'd say two arms and two legs,
25:22it's really four legs, to be honest.
25:24Oh, like you could give an animal.
25:26You could bring in an animal and that would...
25:28Four chicken drumsticks.
25:29That wouldn't quite do, no.
25:32And that would get you in free
25:33because they would use the animal
25:37to satisfy what you were going to see.
25:39A dragon.
25:40A menser.
25:41Sort of like a dragon to them.
25:43A menser.
25:43Lion or a bear?
25:45Lion and bear.
25:46Yes, all those things.
25:47A big menagerie.
25:48Oh, wow.
25:48As zoos were called.
25:50There's an 18th century,
25:51by the look of it, cartoon,
25:52Rowlandson-style cartoon.
25:54That's the last dodo.
25:55Oh, it does look a bit like it, doesn't it?
25:56I think it's some hugely complicated satire
25:59that we don't really get.
26:01Anyway, that's a cartoon of the menagerie.
26:03It lasted all the way till 1830
26:05when it was transported to or transferred to...
26:09London Zoo?
26:10To Regent's Park.
26:11To London Zoo, yes.
26:12So there was the menagerie.
26:13It was immensely popular all through those years.
26:16If you were a sheriff in the city of London and around,
26:19you had to pay fourpence a day
26:21to help with the feeding of the polar bear.
26:24So they were presumably quite good animal keepers
26:26if they managed to keep these animals
26:28because, you know,
26:29they couldn't afford to let them die very quickly.
26:30I mean, how long it would take in the 15th, 16th century
26:34to get a lion to England,
26:36it was just inconceivable how long it would take.
26:37What sort of animals did they have?
26:39They had...
26:40Oh, a cat.
26:41Cool.
26:43A cat would be...
26:44If you brought a cat or a dog
26:46to feed to the lions,
26:48all the tigers.
26:49They had tigers as well,
26:50and they had bears,
26:51and they had...
26:52Oh, my.
26:52A polar bear.
26:54So they had what were considered
26:55immensely exotic animals.
26:57You would feed them
27:00and free admission.
27:01I bet that was used
27:01as a punishment for kids.
27:03I bet that was...
27:04We'll take you...
27:04We'll feed you to the lions.
27:05You do that again,
27:06I'm taking you there,
27:07and you're getting fed to the bloody lions.
27:09You'd walk them right up to the door
27:10if they were being really bad.
27:12But what if you had a pet lion,
27:15and you turned up
27:16and you wanted entrance,
27:17and they were like,
27:18it's a bit rich for my blood.
27:20You know what I mean?
27:21Yeah, take the lions,
27:22see how far you get.
27:23There was a rather
27:24unfortunate incident.
27:26In 1830,
27:27a keeper accidentally
27:28allowed two tigers
27:28and one lion
27:29to be in the same enclosure,
27:31and there was a horrible fight
27:32that he only managed to end
27:33by introducing
27:34sort of red-hot prongs
27:36to the noses of the tigers
27:37who eventually stalked off.
27:39But who do you think won?
27:41Two against one.
27:42Yeah, and the tigers, yeah.
27:43The Lion King.
27:44No, the Lion King didn't win,
27:45I'm afraid, Simba.
27:46Licked his wounds
27:47and died a few days later.
27:48Yes, it's very sad.
27:49Very sad.
27:50But anyway,
27:51it was an amazing place.
27:52Imagine an imaginary menagerie
27:54managed by an imaginary
27:55menagerie manager.
27:59So there we are.
28:06Now,
28:07what would you do
28:08in 12th century London
28:10if you saw this man?
28:15It is a ghost.
28:20Oh, you're spending a penny,
28:22are you?
28:23My penny, yeah.
28:23Jason's spending his penny.
28:28You're absolutely right.
28:29You're absolutely right.
28:31Oh, yeah, oh, yeah.
28:35You're absolutely right.
28:37You put that round, yeah?
28:38That's right.
28:39Do you want to try it out?
28:40Well, then.
28:41Is that not an old-fashioned
28:42port-a-loo?
28:43This is Steve,
28:44one of our most gifted intellectuals.
28:48Intellectual elves.
29:02And I believe there's an extra farthing
29:04for a happy ending.
29:07That's sufficient.
29:09Sufficient.
29:10Sufficient.
29:11That's right.
29:12In the 12th century,
29:13there were those
29:13who were a little bit too,
29:15you know,
29:15who were a little bit pernickety
29:16and didn't want to be seen
29:17taking a poo in the street
29:18as many did.
29:19And so these gentlemen
29:20would come around
29:20with their big capes
29:21and allow you
29:22a little bit of privacy.
29:23Did people use to just
29:25poo in the street?
29:26Otherwise,
29:26they were poo in the street,
29:27I'm afraid.
29:27Were they?
29:28Yep.
29:28Times have changed,
29:29haven't they, Stephen?
29:30They have, absolutely.
29:32So, there's a lot of peeing
29:33in the street,
29:34let's be honest.
29:35Oh, yeah.
29:35Yeah, and I'll admit to that,
29:37but, you know,
29:37he needs to pee.
29:39Quite.
29:40Needs must.
29:41May I thank
29:42a senior elf
29:43who has done something
29:44well beneath his,
29:45in huge dignity.
29:47Steve Colgan,
29:48ladies and gentlemen.
29:57They're marvelous service.
29:58We do know the name
29:59of one of these,
30:00Thomas Butcher,
30:01because in the records
30:01he was fined
30:02for overcharging.
30:04Oh, really?
30:04Yeah.
30:05Well, afterwards,
30:06like, you know,
30:06they look in and went,
30:07I think you can give me
30:08a fiver, you do.
30:10Possibly.
30:10That wouldn't be
30:11overcharging.
30:12Oh, dear.
30:12Did they have anyone
30:13standing beside him
30:14selling, like,
30:14deodorant to lollipops?
30:16Probably.
30:16I mean,
30:17there was a whole
30:17toilet roll, really.
30:18That's what you want
30:19behind you.
30:20Now, there's an animal
30:21that sort of also
30:24does that similar
30:25draping effect.
30:26Do you know what it might be?
30:27But it's a bird
30:27with its feathers.
30:30I can't remember.
30:30Is it a knight?
30:31It's a black heron.
30:32And why would it do that?
30:34Why would it...
30:34To protect its eggs.
30:36There it is.
30:36That's the one.
30:37There's it doing it.
30:38Black heron.
30:39Is it to trick its prey
30:41into thinking it's nighttime
30:42to come down?
30:42It's not to think
30:43it's nighttime.
30:43It actually creates a shadow
30:45and fish are very drawn
30:46to cooler water
30:46in certain climates.
30:47So the fish see this
30:48as what they think
30:49will be cooler water
30:49because there may be
30:50a tree overhanging
30:51or something like that
30:51and it just gobbles them up.
30:53So it's a lure.
30:54It's a wonderful, clever lure.
30:55It's amazing to watch, actually.
30:56We did a show for BBC
30:57called Walk on the Wild Side
30:59which you did a voice for.
31:00Yes, I remember
31:01doing the voices
31:01for various animals, yeah.
31:03And it sort of...
31:04It does it in quite an odd motion.
31:06Like, it's quite fast
31:07because we did a thing
31:08and it just went
31:09nighttime, daytime,
31:10nighttime, daytime, daytime.
31:12That's so sweet.
31:13It's our little, fun little sketch.
31:15I do it with men
31:15in nightclubs.
31:16I go...
31:20It's you.
31:22Oh, my God.
31:23It is me.
31:24Oh, there you go.
31:26Horror.
31:26Medieval lavatory attendants
31:28provided personal privacy
31:29and a bucket.
31:31Now it's time
31:31to get our kit off
31:32and frolic in the
31:33sub-zero temperatures
31:34of general ignorance.
31:35So fingers on buzzers,
31:36if you would.
31:37What's black and white
31:38and doesn't live
31:39in the Arctic?
31:42Penguins.
31:43Oh, what a king!
31:46Oh!
31:47Well, you know,
31:48the fact is
31:49they're not indigenous
31:50to the Arctic,
31:51the North Pole,
31:52and you're right,
31:53they don't naturally occur there,
31:55but man has taken them there
31:56as pets on boats
31:57because they're cute
31:59and they were left there
32:01and they sort of got on
32:02and made a living
32:02pretty happily
32:03amongst the fish there
32:04with Spike being eaten
32:05by polar bears.
32:05Well, there was,
32:06that was a surprise
32:07when they met
32:07the polar bears.
32:12What is that?
32:14Why are you so dressed up
32:15and where are you off to?
32:16This is why we see you
32:17on the penguin circus.
32:19Despite what they say,
32:20there are some penguins
32:22in the Arctic.
32:22Which part of the world
32:23does the idea
32:24of eating frog's legs
32:25come from?
32:27Go on, Jason.
32:28France.
32:29No!
32:31That's very sweet to me.
32:32Go on, nice.
32:33Is it England?
32:35Yes!
32:36What?
32:37Bless my soul!
32:38Oh, God!
32:43So far as we can tell,
32:44this is absolutely right.
32:46There is evidence
32:47of the early Neolithic
32:48British
32:48eating frog's legs
32:50in our most iconic
32:51memorial.
32:52There it is.
32:53Stone,
32:54look at it,
32:55henge.
32:56Yeah, exactly.
32:57What could be
32:57henge-ier or stone-ier?
32:59How many years ago,
33:00I'll give you
33:00a thousand either way,
33:02when we discovered
33:02the name?
33:03Four thousand.
33:03Four thousand?
33:04It's about nine thousand
33:05years ago.
33:06That's to say,
33:06it's between
33:07seven thousand
33:08and six thousand B.C.
33:09There is evidence
33:10not just of eating,
33:11well, there's toads,
33:12but also we've got
33:13three-course meal evidence.
33:15Frogs with hazelnuts
33:16followed by
33:17a fish course
33:18followed by
33:19blackberries.
33:20That's not bad,
33:21is it?
33:22That would love
33:22to see you through nicely.
33:23Very healthy.
33:24Very healthy.
33:25To the nearest
33:27thousand tons,
33:28how many tons
33:28of frog's legs
33:29do the French
33:30get through a year?
33:32Five hundred.
33:33Five hundred thousand tons.
33:34Half a million tons.
33:40It's between three
33:41and four thousand.
33:43It's still a fair
33:44quantity.
33:45I thought they had
33:45massive frogs.
33:46It would fill...
33:49So, frog's legs
33:51were first eaten
33:51in Wiltshire.
33:52What's the name
33:53of the fortifications
33:54that marked the
33:54northern boundary
33:55of Roman Britain?
34:01Adrian's wall.
34:02Oh, dear, dear, dear.
34:07Do the audience know?
34:09What's further north?
34:10Where did they go
34:11that was further north
34:11than that?
34:12Antonine.
34:13Antonine?
34:14Oh, dear.
34:15Audience get a penalty.
34:19There, you've thrown
34:20into our trap.
34:21There are some
34:21intelligent people
34:22who do know
34:23that the Antonine wall
34:23is north of Adrian's wall,
34:26but a very obscure fact
34:28certainly can...
34:29I had no idea of.
34:30It's the Gask Ridge system,
34:33which is the oldest
34:34and, indeed,
34:35the northernmost
34:36of the boundaries.
34:37There's the Antonine wall.
34:39We can see
34:39Hadrian's wall there.
34:41There's the Gask Ridge.
34:42Which doesn't...
34:42Doesn't look as good, does it?
34:43Doesn't go from coast to coast.
34:47I would start thinking
34:48maybe I'll go round it.
34:49I think I use the same
34:50builders as that.
34:52You could walk round it
34:53a little bit,
34:54but it was the northernmost.
34:56All right, well,
34:56it was a defence
34:56against fat people.
34:59Fat people,
35:00a defence against...
35:00Yeah, we don't...
35:01Oh, do you have to walk?
35:02I won't bother.
35:04Hadrian's wall remains
35:05the longest continuous
35:07fortification in Europe.
35:08Obviously, it's nothing
35:09compared to the Great Wall
35:10of China,
35:10but it was still pretty impressive.
35:11It was garrisoned
35:12by how many troops
35:13in its day, do you think?
35:15I don't know,
35:15but I do know
35:16that they took
35:1640,000 troops
35:18to try and suppress
35:19Scotland,
35:20and then when they got there
35:21they found there was
35:22nowhere really to suppress,
35:23because everyone was hiding.
35:24Yeah.
35:25And at night,
35:26they'd come out
35:27and attack them,
35:28and they just
35:28ended up giving up.
35:30So there were
35:30thousands of people.
35:32Yeah, 9,000 garrisoned
35:33the war.
35:34They came from all over
35:35the known empire,
35:36including from the Tigris,
35:38what we'd now call Iraq.
35:39Iraqi Arabs were stationed,
35:41they must have found it
35:42very chilly and unpleasant.
35:43What wall is that there?
35:44That's a gasp, is it?
35:45No, that's Hadrian's wall.
35:47Ah.
35:47Yeah, yeah,
35:48which is in great shape.
35:48I don't think the gasp wall
35:49is in much shape.
35:50I went for a walk along
35:51there with a friend of mine
35:52who's like a real
35:53cockney geezer.
35:54Yeah.
35:55And he's always,
35:57you know,
35:58that sort of myth of,
35:59like, people being friendly
36:00in the north
36:00and not so friendly
36:01in the south.
36:02Yeah, we walked up
36:03along there.
36:04This summed up
36:05the north-south divide
36:06for friendliness
36:07and not friendliness
36:08and talking to strangers
36:08and that.
36:09Two blokes walked past,
36:10it was about
36:10half past 8 in the morning,
36:11we were having a walk around,
36:12and a bloke went,
36:13morning,
36:14and I went,
36:14morning,
36:15and my mate went,
36:15who's that?
36:20Just saying good morning
36:21to a stranger,
36:22that's not weird.
36:25Now,
36:26what's this?
36:26What's this?
36:27What's this?
36:27Pass it down.
36:28Just all you've got to do
36:29is tell me what it is,
36:29have a taste.
36:30It's,
36:30I promise you,
36:31not poison,
36:31despite being green.
36:33Not wasabi,
36:34is it?
36:35Wasabi!
36:38You would be served this
36:40if you were to go out
36:41around London
36:41and go to
36:42most Japanese restaurants
36:44and I hope you can have a taste
36:46and,
36:46whoa,
36:47pretty hot.
36:48Do you find it too hot?
36:49Yeah,
36:49I can't even,
36:50my mother thinks tomato
36:51and basil soup is too spicy.
36:52Jesus.
36:53That's too spicy for me,
36:54what's in that,
36:55Ashling?
36:55Salt.
36:56That is as close
36:57to asabi as you can
36:58without it being with
36:59subby.
37:00I nearly took a bit,
37:01a mouthful of that,
37:02you know.
37:02It's not a joke.
37:03I can't take chili,
37:05but I can take the mustard.
37:05I put a lot in
37:06because you said it wasn't.
37:07You said it's not asabi.
37:08It's not asabi.
37:10No, it's...
37:11I'll tell you what it is.
37:14I'll tell you what it is.
37:15It's a silver man over there.
37:17It's not jackass,
37:18it's QI.
37:22What you're eating there
37:23is horse reddish.
37:24Now, you may say
37:25wasabi is Japanese horse reddish,
37:26but the wasabi you get sold
37:28in British restaurants
37:29is almost always
37:31ordinary British horse reddish
37:33dyed green.
37:34No.
37:34Yes,
37:35because real wasabi,
37:37although it's related
37:37to horse reddish,
37:39takes two years to mature
37:40and it's very expensive
37:41to transport.
37:42So it's much easier
37:43to use the British stuff,
37:44which grows on railway sidings
37:46and is cheap as chips,
37:47to use that in stores.
37:48You know what, Stephen?
37:50That would have been lovely
37:51just if you'd explained it
37:53and used some bloody pictures.
37:56Sorry.
37:56Rather than give us some
37:57and go put that in your mouth.
38:00I'm so sorry.
38:01Yes.
38:02I can hear things
38:03like a dog does.
38:07It's dumb things in me.
38:09It does.
38:09This might have been
38:10waiting all my life
38:10to become a superhero
38:11and all you had to do
38:12was give me a bloody
38:13spoon full of that.
38:15I'm seeing two walls.
38:22It's opened your
38:24eustachian tube
38:24and your sinuses.
38:25Oh, yeah, yeah.
38:25Cancel me, can I?
38:26I'm flying all this.
38:32Oh, bless you.
38:34Now, shove your little
38:35dishes away.
38:36If you can,
38:37you won't.
38:38That's enough
38:38superpowers.
38:39Hold on.
38:41Now, I'm going to
38:41demonstrate something
38:42called the Leidenfroster
38:44effect, named after
38:45a certain Dr. Leidenfrost.
38:47So, allow me to present
38:49a tray, which may seem
38:50rather mysterious.
38:52There we go.
38:54Now, essentially,
38:55what the principle is,
38:56I'll explain it first
38:57and then you'll see it,
38:57is that when you drop
38:59some water on a very
38:59hot surface,
39:00it kind of beads
39:01into a little ball
39:02and goes around.
39:05It's often a way you
39:05tester the heat
39:06of a frying pan
39:07or so on
39:08or if you drop
39:09water accidentally
39:09onto a hot plate.
39:11And if you allow
39:12this beading to take
39:13place on certain
39:13surfaces,
39:14the beading is
39:15sort of predictable
39:16and rather exciting.
39:17And you can see
39:18a little bit of it
39:18on VT
39:19in which the bead
39:20is going uphill.
39:23It's been dropped
39:23from a pipette
39:24onto a very hot,
39:26ridged,
39:27sort of saw-toothed
39:28surface.
39:28And you can see
39:29the ball itself.
39:30That's how my sperm
39:31reacts with a ridged
39:33condom.
39:35You may be wearing
39:37it inside out.
39:44Why have you got your
39:47sperm in a pipette?
39:52Sufficient.
39:53Sufficient.
39:55So, I have the pets here
39:57and this is room
39:59temperature.
40:00I'm going to put it
40:01on here
40:01and you can see
40:02as I drop the water
40:04that it's just
40:05nothing much happens.
40:06But the beads go off
40:08and it's starting
40:08to boil and frizz
40:09and as it gets hotter
40:11you'll see the
40:12Leidenfrost effect
40:13of it.
40:15Listen to it.
40:16It's where the women
40:17were watching
40:17the Chippendales.
40:18Oh!
40:20But where it gets
40:21interesting is where
40:22these things have been
40:22left on the heat
40:23and so already
40:24incredibly hot.
40:25And this is a little
40:27concave thing
40:27and we drop a bit in it.
40:29It goes round,
40:30round, round,
40:30round, round,
40:30round, round,
40:30round, round,
40:31rather beautifully.
40:33And now we've got
40:34another one with the
40:35sawtooth that we saw
40:36the climbing up
40:36but this is a circular
40:37sawtooth
40:38and it should go
40:39round and round as well.
40:40Looks like it.
40:40Whee!
40:40Incredible speed.
40:41Look at that.
40:42I don't know why
40:43young people have to go
40:44and, you know,
40:45play Grand Theft Auto
40:46when they've all this
40:46sort of cracked
40:47to look forward.
40:47I know!
40:50And for the Grand Finale
40:52you can see here
40:53next to the hot plate
40:54is, er,
40:56we've got ourselves
40:56a sort of maze
40:58and, let's see
41:00what happens here.
41:04There's a very
41:04predictable path
41:06and they go
41:06all the way round
41:07and if they've got
41:08enough energy
41:08they'll go round twice.
41:09There you go.
41:10Big fellow.
41:11That's like
41:12chasing me dad
41:13round the shopping
41:13place.
41:15Don't abandon me.
41:16That's it.
41:17I'm going to make you proud.
41:19Dad!
41:20Dad!
41:20Come back!
41:23Hours of harmless fun.
41:25Now I asked
41:25the very nice scientist
41:27from the University of Bath
41:28who lent us this equipment
41:29what technical solutions
41:31this may offer the world
41:32and he said
41:33actually most of the time
41:34the Leidenfrost effect
41:35provides technical problems
41:37for plumbing
41:38and things like that
41:39and it isn't always
41:40a desirable effect
41:40so if you can think
41:41at home
41:42of some useful solution
41:43that can be used
41:44from the Leidenfrost effect
41:45we'd be very grateful
41:46but thank you
41:47Kay Takashina
41:48from the University of Bath
41:49for the loan
41:49of this splendid equipment.
41:55And that brings us
41:56to the sizzling scores.
41:58Well my word
41:59we have a
42:00well I'm not surprised
42:01he's won
42:01he's been on fire
42:02despite one
42:03one klaxon
42:05clear lead
42:05from Jason Manford
42:06at class three!
42:07Oh no!
42:12and in second place
42:15that intellectual warhorse
42:16Johnny Vavis
42:17on two!
42:17Oh no!
42:21Oh no!
42:23Oh no!
42:24Oh no!
42:24Oh no!
42:24Oh no!
42:26Oh no!
42:28Oh no!
42:32And a magnificent debut
42:37only brought down
42:38by penguins
42:39Oh no!
42:40Oh no!
42:42Oh no!
42:44Oh no!
42:47Oh no!
42:48Oh no!
42:49Oh no!
42:50Oh no!
42:57that's all from us and johnny jason allen and me and i leave you with the rather poignant last
43:03words from stan laurel who when asked how he felt said i wish i was skiing oh mr laurel do
43:10you ski
43:11replied the nurse no he said but i'd rather be skiing than doing what i am doing good night
Comments