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Big Girls Wanted Escaping Pearadise S01e03 The Cost Of Curves
Transcript
00:11I don't know who needs to hear this message today, but here you go.
00:15Sis, quit waiting to live your life until you're skimming.
00:20Live your life today.
00:22We don't have tomorrow promised.
00:25Life is short.
00:27Do it.
00:31Cass wanted other women to feel beautiful about themselves.
00:36I lost so much of my life to being so obsessed about being fat until I met Cass.
00:46One day, I opened my phone and I just was like watching her Instagram story.
00:51I started seeing all these RIP posts.
00:55We're just going to have a moment of silence for Cass.
00:58I called Stefan and I said, what the f*** happened to Cass?
01:16Cass is dead because of the harm that was put on her body through death feederism.
01:25Having this rapid weight gain, she had pretty bad sleep apnea.
01:30People told me she fell out of bed and stopped breathing.
01:37Cass found freedom in feederism.
01:41It was financial freedom.
01:43It was freedom from the chains of fat phobia.
01:47That was false freedom.
01:51She was 29 years old.
01:53She has so many things that she could have done.
01:56And this is very difficult.
02:02Stefan doesn't take accountability for what he does and how he affects other people.
02:07It definitely is a matter of time before it happens again.
02:11Cass hasn't maxed it by.
02:13Would she be alive?
02:16Before she passed, I feel like Paradise had already killed a part of her.
02:22She lost a lot of herself in that house.
02:24She lost her.
02:25Irew on anh.
02:29Irew on anh.
02:34Irew on anh.
02:38Irew on anh.
02:52Irew on you.
03:06It makes me really sad for her.
03:09Sifan was trying to replace her.
03:11She just gave up on herself.
03:13That's not the cast I knew.
03:15She didn't deserve how he treated her.
03:18She felt powerless.
03:19I told him this was going to happen.
03:22But had it not been for Sifan, had it not been for Paradise,
03:27cast me alive today.
03:30Being accused of having something to do with her not being around anymore
03:36is the ultimate dagger in the heart.
03:40She had been a big part of my life.
03:44The whole Paradise circle, everybody loved her.
03:54We miss her.
03:59No, I'm not a feeder.
04:02Cass is a feeder.
04:05If I was in charge of feeding anybody here, they would all starve.
04:11I would absolutely say feederism can be dangerous.
04:15The two years that she was away from Paradise,
04:18she put on 100 pounds, which was like a lot.
04:22While she was at the house, while she was with me,
04:25she was never into feederism.
04:26If someone's saying that, in your opinion,
04:29does that mean that they are lying about it?
04:31If somebody is going out
04:35insinuating that I had anything to do with Cass' weight gain,
04:38it is purely to make me look bad because of what happened.
04:44She was engaged in feederism at the house.
04:47Stéphane knew what Cass was up to.
04:55500.4 pounds.
04:57When you are engaged in feederism,
04:59you're just trying to put on weight
05:02and put on this show of how much bigger can I get.
05:06Time for another Rumble review.
05:09You might not recognize it,
05:11but that's what a lot of the Paradise content is.
05:14Ready? Go.
05:16Blueberry cheesecake cookie.
05:17It's feederism content.
05:19Oh, my God.
05:20He knows, like, what he's doing,
05:23but I don't think he sees
05:26the nuances behind what's happening.
05:30It is more than the feederism, too.
05:34All of that back and forth
05:35and Cass in the middle of it.
05:38Don't.
05:39Don't get emotional now.
05:40No, no, no.
05:41She felt powerless.
05:43The world that Cass was living in killed Cass.
05:46Cass doesn't care about women.
05:48She cares about herself,
05:50her money,
05:51and her fame.
05:52And the one thing that I hate more
05:55than a man who wants to prey on big women
05:58is a big woman
05:59who is helping that man prey on women.
06:03Did you ever meet Cass in person?
06:05No, I never met Cass.
06:08I never want to force a woman
06:10to relive her trauma.
06:11In my opinion,
06:13Cass is...
06:14And if there's any collateral damage,
06:16that does still fall on me.
06:29There's several truths to the story.
06:32All I can do is be honest
06:35about what I saw, experienced, and felt.
06:39I started to see my own humanity more there.
06:49I didn't come home and immediately
06:52pour over every photo.
06:55I did it in doses.
06:58It became very clear to me
06:59that I came across something
07:01that was so much more
07:02than a personal project.
07:06So I sent the story
07:08to an editor
07:10at one of the papers that I work for.
07:12They weren't interested in running it.
07:15And for some reason,
07:16I just heard the first note with this
07:17and just stopped digging.
07:19I don't know.
07:20Nothing ever felt right.
07:22This project felt unfinished for me.
07:25Does part of you want to go back?
07:27Yeah.
07:31I never really closed the door on it.
07:35If I'm scrolling on TikTok late at night
07:37and they're live,
07:37I'll click in and I'll watch.
07:39Start the story time off.
07:40It's still a lot of the same anger
07:42about betrayal.
07:43That was over four years ago now.
07:47At the end of the day,
07:48they all used to be friends.
07:49And it's like,
07:50how did we get here?
07:52Where does that switch flip?
07:59For a very long time,
08:01I believed the girls
08:02are blowing it out of proportion
08:03with sexual assault allegations.
08:07It's really easy
08:09to minimize
08:11someone else's experience
08:14until you go through
08:16something yourself.
08:22one night I was at
08:26Stefan's
08:26and one of his friends,
08:29she had decided to
08:30reach out to a bunch of men
08:32on Tinder
08:35and tell them
08:36that there was a bunch of
08:38plus-size women
08:39that were all looking to hook up.
08:41Her response was basically,
08:43well, I'm going to pick the one
08:44that I want
08:44and then that you guys
08:45can figure out
08:46what to do with the rest.
08:49And all of them
08:50showed up at the house.
08:52One guy
08:52was in the pool
08:53and he kept reaching over
08:54and like trying to grab at me.
08:58And it made it very clear
08:59that I wasn't okay with it.
09:02Later that night,
09:03I was in the hot tub
09:05and one of the girls
09:06pulled me into her lap.
09:09I was just kind of
09:10in the moment.
09:11I wasn't paying full attention.
09:14And it took me a minute
09:15for my brain
09:16to kind of process
09:17what was going on.
09:19And I realized
09:20that girl was gone.
09:23Yet I was still being groped
09:25by someone.
09:29The same guy
09:30who had been trying
09:31to grope me before,
09:32he was touching me.
09:34I was being fingered.
09:38I didn't say anything.
09:39I literally just got
09:40out of the hot tub.
09:49And the next morning
09:50I got up
09:51and I told Stefan
09:55and Stefan's response
09:56was,
09:57oh wow,
09:58I'm sorry.
10:00He didn't know
10:01the guys that were there.
10:05That would be like
10:06going to the strip
10:07and just grabbing
10:07four random guys
10:08and bringing them
10:09back to the house.
10:12So to this day,
10:13I don't know
10:14this person's name.
10:15I couldn't press charges
10:17if I wanted to.
10:20It changed my perspective
10:21not just
10:24on
10:26sexual assault.
10:28It was more than
10:29just what happened
10:30with Allie and Savvy.
10:32With Stefan,
10:33there is no remorse.
10:36There is no,
10:37oh damn,
10:39this needs to change.
10:41And that was when
10:42I realized that
10:44I was done.
10:48That house is not safe.
11:00I wanted to go
11:01to the girls
11:02and say,
11:02you know what?
11:03I am so sorry
11:05that I played a part.
11:09I messaged Kimmy.
11:13And the first words
11:14out of my mouth
11:15were,
11:15what do you want to know?
11:16I'm an open book.
11:25Heather was the big dog.
11:27Meow, Heather check.
11:29This is the woman
11:30who was his right-hand man.
11:32When the women
11:33are fighting for him,
11:34they're not our enemy.
11:36Just remember,
11:37you tried
11:38to sweep things
11:39under the rug.
11:41The problem is,
11:42I remember
11:42where you keep
11:43all your dirt.
11:44One of the things
11:45Heather had brought
11:46to my attention
11:46was he was talking
11:48to minors.
11:51In most instances,
11:53he would tell them
11:54they had to wait
11:54until they were 18
11:55to join the Discord.
11:58But Stefan definitely
11:59encourages them
12:00to send pictures,
12:03to continue
12:03to communicate with him,
12:05to know that
12:06he's a safe space.
12:08And in reality,
12:09what he's waiting for
12:10is them to turn 18.
12:12He's going to create
12:13enough of a connection
12:14that they will come.
12:16He will get to have sex
12:17with them
12:17and rinse and repeat
12:20for however long
12:21it lasts.
12:23You're a terrible person
12:25and a horrible friend.
12:40When I left the house,
12:42he called me a traitor.
12:47The solution
12:48to people leaving
12:50is to just
12:51delete them.
12:54If you were to look
12:55through this,
12:57I don't exist.
12:58I'm just some random person
13:00that's talking crap
13:01about paradise.
13:04We were all put
13:05in the same position.
13:13His sweet spot
13:15is 22.
13:16I've learned.
13:18He was in his
13:19mid-40s
13:20at the time
13:21when I met him.
13:22I was 21, 22.
13:2524-year age gap.
13:28When we're that age,
13:30we think we know
13:31what we're doing.
13:33His relationship
13:35with the boys
13:37depended on
13:37how well I treated him.
13:40It eventually got
13:41to the point where
13:42I decided
13:42there's nothing here
13:43for me.
13:45I just packed up
13:46my stuff
13:47and I didn't
13:48turn back.
13:51That's when
13:52a lot of people
13:52were coming to me
13:53with stories
13:55and I found out
13:57what was going on
13:57behind my back.
14:00After I found
14:01I was pregnant,
14:03apparently,
14:03he wanted to
14:07have women
14:08in the house
14:09go to the doctors
14:10and say that
14:12they were pregnant
14:13to get abortion pills.
14:17The plan was
14:18to crush them up
14:21and put them
14:22in a drink.
14:29The story
14:30that I heard
14:31from someone
14:31within the house
14:32was Stefan
14:34was likely
14:35trying to get
14:36somebody to slip
14:36her plan B
14:37in her drink
14:39so that
14:40she would have
14:41a spontaneous
14:42miscarriage
14:43and lose the twins.
14:44I was absolutely
14:46astounded.
14:48She decided
14:49to go through
14:49with the pregnancy
14:50so I made a joke
14:51and said like,
14:52oh, this bitch
14:53like she did
14:53this and this and this.
14:54She should not
14:55keep those kids.
14:56You know,
14:57you can say things
14:58as a joke
14:58in private
15:00and of course
15:02somebody decided
15:02to take a joke
15:03and say like,
15:05oh, he was planning
15:06to do.
15:07No, I never did.
15:09Why is all the attention
15:10on me right now?
15:12Currently my
15:13relationship
15:13with the boys
15:14is non-existent
15:15but that's because
15:17I need to protect
15:17my own mental health.
15:20I have to live
15:21with the fact
15:21that there's two kids
15:23that were conceived
15:24against my consent.
15:27It's nothing
15:28you can do
15:28as a man.
15:29I have to live
15:30with it.
15:33I'm telling my story
15:35now because
15:37I have two little boys
15:39that depend on me.
15:40My biggest fear
15:42is that they'll hate me.
15:44One day they'll ask me,
15:46mom, why weren't you
15:47better to him?
15:48Because then we could
15:49have had a dad.
15:53I'll be honest with them
15:54and I know
15:55so many other women
15:56who were there
15:57at the time
15:58will also be there
15:59to help share
16:00what kind of man
16:01he is.
16:05He's done everything
16:06that he can possibly
16:06do to villainize her
16:08and in reality
16:11he's chaos
16:13personified.
16:18I can't watch it anymore.
16:20Now there's
16:21a whole new set
16:22of people.
16:23I have no idea
16:23who they are.
16:24All I know
16:25is there's always
16:27somebody that's young.
16:30One of the girls
16:31is like 22.
16:33It gives me the ick
16:34in the worst way.
16:43Who wouldn't love
16:44Rissa, right?
16:45Rissa is the sweetest.
16:48My name is
16:49Carissa Strew.
16:51I'm 22
16:53and I'm from
16:54North Carolina.
16:55And I'm currently
16:57indefinitely
16:58visiting paradise.
17:00You're cooking.
17:01There we go.
17:03Bacon, bacon
17:04and I'm going to go
17:04on the stage.
17:06I'm from a small town
17:07in North Carolina.
17:07I'm used to a
17:08two bedroom trailer
17:09with one bathroom.
17:12Stefan's house.
17:13It's gigantic.
17:15It was insane to me.
17:19I love to cook.
17:21I love to cook.
17:22I like to make
17:23southern dishes.
17:25Finding Stefan
17:26and finding paradise
17:27has changed my life.
17:29Yeah, these are my snacks.
17:30You want to watch me eat them?
17:34I had just
17:35gotten out
17:36of my relationship
17:37with my ex.
17:39He was an extreme feeder.
17:42At one point,
17:43my ex had told me
17:44that I was
17:46the weakest bitch
17:47he had ever met.
17:48He had wanted me
17:50to eat
17:50a whole
17:51sheet cake.
17:53A whole, like,
17:54you know,
17:54sheet cake for a birthday.
17:56I would stuff myself,
17:57force feed,
17:58run to the bathroom
17:59and throw up.
18:03I still have
18:03appetite issues
18:04to this day
18:05because of it.
18:21Stefan has been
18:22my biggest supporter,
18:23to be honest with you.
18:25Stefan plays a role
18:27of cameraman for me.
18:28I post, like,
18:31belly videos,
18:32just full-body pics,
18:34embracing me
18:35and my own skin.
18:37I do do OnlyFans.
18:39So I do
18:40a lot of
18:42fetishized content.
18:44I'm not into
18:45hardcore feederism.
18:46I eat my regular food
18:48and I put it up
18:48for sale
18:50and people just
18:51happen to buy it.
18:52So that makes me
18:53some money.
18:55Every chance
18:55that I get,
18:56I give that man
18:57the money he deserves.
18:59He's never asked
19:00me for a dime.
19:01It's all out
19:02of my own heart.
19:05Do you love Stefan?
19:06I do love Stefan.
19:08Stefan confessed
19:09his feelings first.
19:10I definitely feel special.
19:13When we first met,
19:14she had, like,
19:14this sweet innocence
19:15about her.
19:17Right now,
19:17at this moment,
19:18like, I keep telling them,
19:19like, I am currently single
19:21and I'm very close
19:22with everybody
19:23and Risa is cool with it.
19:25The girls just
19:26do their own thing
19:28and what I get back,
19:31maybe, like,
19:31a home-cooked meal,
19:32you know?
19:34He gets the threat
19:35of watching me
19:35do what I do.
19:36Like, he's very kinky,
19:38very, um,
19:40hands-on.
19:41And, I mean,
19:42I'm perfectly okay
19:43with it.
19:44I'm going on
19:4523K followers.
19:47I get a million views
19:49on my account
19:50in a month.
19:51Like, I built that
19:52myself
19:54and it's all
19:55from body positivity.
19:58The Body Positive Movement
20:00gave people
20:01permission
20:01to feel sexy
20:03and to feel seen.
20:04And then, of course,
20:05you're going to get people
20:05that are, like,
20:06you're disgusting
20:06and I can't bear
20:09to look at you.
20:10It really has everything
20:11to do with
20:12mainstream media.
20:14Sick of feeling fat,
20:15ugly, and tired.
20:16You know what?
20:17You're not alone.
20:17This is what body fat
20:19is on your daughter.
20:20This is what
20:2167 pounds
20:22of fat looks like.
20:24Class A's bodies
20:25have always been portrayed
20:27as something
20:28that needs
20:28to be fixed
20:29on TV
20:30and it has
20:32serious implications
20:33for how
20:34society treats us.
20:36Do it now, okay?
20:38Everyone goes
20:39for 30
20:40seconds.
20:41The fact
20:42that The Biggest Loser
20:43got to exist
20:45is truly diabolical.
20:47We're here today
20:48at Zemora's High School.
20:49Today is the first day
20:51that is going to change
20:51her life.
20:52When I look in the mirror,
20:53I see disappointment.
20:54I feel disgusting.
20:57Whether it's a choice
20:58to be fat
20:58or whether they are
21:00desperately trying
21:01to lose weight,
21:02that kind of narrative
21:04is extremely damaging.
21:07This takes a while.
21:08This is a long process.
21:09Not something happens
21:10in a day.
21:11Even if you
21:12wanted to change,
21:14it's dehumanizing,
21:16it's exhausting,
21:19any of those shows.
21:21Looking back,
21:22you realize
21:22at the end of the day,
21:24it does have
21:25real impact.
21:27Zemora,
21:28today,
21:29we are going to help
21:30you change your life.
21:32Now,
21:34I'm at Paradise
21:35in Vegas.
21:43Zemora is an influencer
21:44and a friend of Paradise.
21:46I met her on TikTok.
21:48We invited her to Paradise.
21:51She's funny.
21:52She's original.
21:55She makes TikToks
21:56that make you laugh.
21:58Watch your way
21:58f***ing dog.
21:59I don't f***ing dog.
22:01Yada na yastada.
22:02Na na na na na na.
22:03When she was at the house,
22:05she gained followers
22:06from Paradise
22:06and I gained followers
22:08from her.
22:09I'm about to comment, guys,
22:10so you guys can follow me.
22:12I mean, I wanted to do
22:12like a mukbang.
22:13Don't come for me.
22:14Oops.
22:15A mukbang is
22:16internet slang
22:17for eating on camera.
22:19Walmart haul
22:20at 522 a.m.
22:22I got jerky.
22:24I mean,
22:25Zee is still mukbanging.
22:28As a guy
22:29that absolutely loves
22:30fat girls,
22:31I always want them
22:32happy and healthy, too.
22:34There's a red line
22:34in the sand.
22:35You don't want to go
22:35across that line.
22:37Cass was across that line.
22:39I also saw Zee
22:41on the other side
22:41of the line.
22:43I was there
22:44when Zee
22:46O'Mara
22:46came to
22:47visit Paradise.
22:50We made TikToks,
22:51we had family dinners.
22:53Zee!
22:54Hi!
22:55And then she got sick.
22:58We had noticed
22:59that, like,
23:00the vibe was off.
23:00She was very quiet.
23:02She didn't come out
23:03of her room.
23:03It was for multiple days.
23:05And, like, you know,
23:06eventually it got
23:07to a point
23:07people in the house
23:08got concerned.
23:17We had checked
23:18on her
23:18and she was
23:20kind of
23:21incoherent.
23:24She was crying
23:25and she just
23:26was not in good shape
23:27at all.
23:28Her skin
23:28didn't look good.
23:29I ran out
23:30to get an oxygen
23:32meter.
23:34And we clipped
23:35it on her finger
23:35and the reading
23:36was, like, 60
23:37and it was
23:37immediately 9-1-1.
23:419-1-1, emergency.
23:42We didn't know
23:43if she was
23:44going to make it.
23:46She was freaking out.
23:47She didn't want to go.
23:51And I had to tell her,
23:54you're choosing
23:55to die.
24:12She was
24:12Ziumara ended up
24:13in the hospital
24:14here in Las Vegas
24:15and we were
24:16all heartbroken.
24:18She had contracted
24:19pneumonia
24:20and flu.
24:22I'm mad at myself.
24:24I didn't really
24:25see how bad
24:26she was
24:27until it was
24:28that bad.
24:41She disappeared
24:42for a few months.
24:43People within
24:44the plus-size communities
24:44were like,
24:45is she alive?
24:46Is she dead?
24:47Is she alive?
24:47Is she dead?
24:48She's doing all right
24:49and hopefully
24:51she can get out
24:53sometime soon.
24:55She went into a coma
24:56and when she came
24:57out of it,
24:58she started trying
24:59to document
25:00more of her
25:00health journey.
25:03I feel like
25:04I never really
25:05got to live my life
25:06and it's sad.
25:08She's been in rehab
25:09to regain her mobility.
25:14In the beginning,
25:15she was sharing
25:16her journey
25:17day after day
25:19after day,
25:20once or twice a day.
25:22Happy 400K!
25:24Wow,
25:24that was creepy.
25:25Let's go,
25:26Arizona.
25:29No ma miso.
25:31But then
25:32she started
25:32going live
25:33on TikTok
25:34and muck banging
25:35basically
25:35from DoorDash
25:37in the hospital bed.
25:38Look at the cheese
25:39at the bottom.
25:40Oh my gosh.
25:43That's what I got.
25:45This is really delicious.
25:47Her pastime
25:48is going live,
25:49talking to people,
25:50eating food or whatever.
25:54But like,
25:54you know,
25:55as a friend,
25:55like,
25:59I was worried
26:00about her.
26:02Being bedridden
26:03for that amount
26:04of time
26:04would be
26:05killing me.
26:12Guys,
26:13my paradise friends
26:14are about
26:15to be here.
26:17I told her,
26:18like,
26:18Zee,
26:19like,
26:19when you're
26:20ready for
26:21visitors,
26:22let me know.
26:26And we went
26:27to see her.
26:28We made
26:28a couple of TikToks.
26:29One of them
26:30actually went viral
26:30right now,
26:311.4 million views.
26:32Guys,
26:33look at this guy here!
26:36All right,
26:37we're going to
26:37go eat food now.
26:39We ate dinner
26:39with her,
26:40we hung out,
26:40we spent
26:40the whole day
26:41with her.
26:41Finally trying
26:42a Michi pizza.
26:43This is a Supreme,
26:45a Caesar,
26:46Mots.
26:48They're good.
26:49I've had people
26:50quite literally say,
26:51like, you know,
26:51I'm the reason
26:52why Zee's in the hospital.
26:53We brought her that
26:54because she asked
26:55for it.
26:55She's an adult.
26:56I think they knew
26:57we were fat
26:57and wanted big-ass pizzas.
26:59I'm not her parent.
27:00I'm her friend.
27:02There are people
27:03claiming that
27:03I send her
27:04DoorDash every day
27:06and feed her.
27:07Zee herself
27:08responded to that
27:08and said,
27:09like, what an utter
27:09amount of bullshit.
27:11Her being at this house
27:12really contributed
27:14to things
27:14getting so much worse.
27:19A lot of people
27:20blame Stefan
27:21for what happened to me.
27:23I don't care
27:24what people say online.
27:26I know what
27:27he's been to me.
27:33And Stefan
27:34has been
27:34the friend to me.
27:37He has never
27:38once fed me.
27:39He has not paid
27:39for my food.
27:41I will always
27:42defend him.
27:54So you tell me
27:55how I have to
27:56have it.
28:03I didn't go
28:04to Stefan's house
28:05and get fat.
28:07She's gonna get on
28:08for the TikTok.
28:11I was already fat.
28:15Can you guys hear me?
28:16I've been doing TikTok
28:17since 2019.
28:19I was already
28:20making videos,
28:21eating,
28:22but, like,
28:23that's a personal choice.
28:26It makes me happy.
28:37Right before
28:38I went to the hospital,
28:38I weighed myself.
28:40And I was, like,
28:416'20".
28:47The truth is that
28:49once I started
28:50hanging around
28:51the house
28:52and stuff,
28:53like,
28:53I was brought
28:54into a different world.
28:55I've never been
28:56around men
28:57that have fetishes.
28:59I never knew
29:00about feederism.
29:05When I was
29:05at the house,
29:06I made
29:07feeder content.
29:09I experienced, like,
29:10in-person
29:11feeders, too.
29:13Like,
29:13I'd have people
29:13come to the house
29:14and they'd feed me.
29:16It was a lot,
29:17but it was also
29:18exciting.
29:19There's a community
29:20that likes me
29:21for my size.
29:23As humans,
29:25we can eroticize
29:25anything.
29:26And that's both good
29:27and that's bad.
29:28And when you pair
29:30arousal or pleasure
29:32with something,
29:33that gets hardwired.
29:34So for someone
29:36who has had
29:37pleasure associated
29:39with being fed,
29:41it is nearly impossible
29:43to turn off.
29:47People don't
29:48understand that.
29:49This is my
29:50life now.
29:54I feel lonely.
29:57I've been eating
29:58more because
29:59I've been getting
30:00new feeders.
30:02People DM me
30:03on IG,
30:04even TikTok,
30:05and, like,
30:05they ask for stuff.
30:06I do have
30:07some money
30:10and do enjoy it.
30:13Content creation
30:14is almost
30:15a trifecta
30:16of risk.
30:17It's financially
30:18beneficial.
30:20Your ego
30:21gets validation.
30:22Oh, my God.
30:25And if I have
30:26nothing else
30:26to feel good about,
30:27that is where
30:28I find my worth.
30:29You cracked me up.
30:30To finally feel
30:31wanted and desired
30:32is going to make
30:33it very hard
30:33to back away
30:34from something,
30:35even if it's
30:36life-threatening
30:37and dangerous.
30:40The night before
30:41I was hospitalized,
30:44we'd start getting
30:45into a deep
30:46conversation,
30:47and he had
30:48tears in his eyes.
30:51I think I remind
30:53him of Cass a little.
30:55It's like he would
30:56see her or something.
31:01And he was like,
31:02Zio,
31:04this is not
31:05your world.
31:05He was like,
31:07I don't want
31:08something to happen
31:08to you.
31:13Say bye.
31:15Bye.
31:17I love you.
31:24I did not think
31:25I'd be going
31:26to the hospital again.
31:28I turned 30
31:29in a couple of hours
31:30and I'm going to
31:31be having surgery
31:32for the first time
31:33in my life ever.
31:34It's like all better.
31:35There's a lot
31:36of risks,
31:37obviously,
31:37with the person
31:38my size,
31:38and I am worried.
31:50I just had
31:51my first surgery
31:53ever.
31:54With everything
31:55that I go through,
31:55I just learned
31:56to love myself
31:59a little more.
32:04I have a lot
32:05of working
32:06on myself
32:06to do.
32:08I do PT
32:09every day.
32:09I do PT
32:10every day,
32:10five days a week,
32:11like I'm walking.
32:14Me being a part
32:15of Paradise,
32:16I wouldn't be able
32:17to grow
32:18if I didn't
32:19go through that.
32:21One of the things
32:21that I did feel
32:22in the house
32:22was safe.
32:23You know,
32:24it's all good
32:25and it is
32:26a plus-size
32:27community,
32:28but I could see
32:29where people
32:30could see it
32:31differently.
32:40this battle
32:41between us
32:42and Paradise.
32:43It's not this
32:44black and white
32:45situation.
32:45It's not cut
32:46and dry.
32:47At the end
32:47of the day,
32:48all I cared
32:49about was
32:50those girls.
32:53We were
32:54in this fight
32:54for your life
32:55for a whole
32:56year and a half.
32:57We were being
32:58sued for a million
32:59dollars.
33:01And he didn't
33:02really want
33:02to win a million
33:03dollars.
33:04He wanted
33:04to scare us.
33:06Stefan benefits
33:07off of silencing
33:08people.
33:11Early January,
33:12I was in the
33:14process of making
33:14a TikTok video
33:15and this little
33:16notification pops
33:17up from our lawyer.
33:19So I click
33:20on the email
33:20and it's the judge
33:21saying that they're
33:22throwing out
33:22the defamation
33:23lawsuit.
33:24And I literally
33:25felt my knees
33:26just cry because
33:28it felt like this
33:28weight had been
33:29taken off.
33:29I remember
33:30just thinking,
33:31oh my God,
33:31we made it.
33:35Yesterday,
33:35we got word
33:36that the court
33:37is fighting
33:37in our favor
33:38and has dismissed
33:39the case.
33:40Because we won
33:41the lawsuit,
33:42I could keep
33:43speaking out
33:44about this.
33:46But now,
33:46I really do
33:47feel trapped
33:48because I don't
33:49think this is
33:49something that's
33:50ever going to
33:50be done
33:51because he's
33:52never going
33:53to be done.
34:04I missed you.
34:08From the jump,
34:10you were like
34:10the rock.
34:13You kept me going.
34:14You kept everybody
34:15going.
34:16I would go into
34:17battle with you
34:18no matter where
34:18we go.
34:19Always and forever.
34:20Yeah.
34:20I wish more
34:21people knew
34:22because I know
34:23there are women
34:23going into that
34:24house.
34:29Woo!
34:35I want people
34:36to understand
34:37that paradise
34:37is like a safe
34:38haven for me.
34:39It always has been.
34:40It always will be.
34:42Paradise.
34:47I'm not a victim
34:49and nobody
34:49at the house
34:50is a victim.
34:51People should be
34:52asking us
34:52why we want
34:53to be there.
34:56Living in this
34:57world that
34:58doesn't want me
34:58to be here,
34:59paradise will
35:00always be a part
35:00of my life.
35:01It'll always be
35:02a part of who
35:02I am.
35:04Looking back
35:05at the girl
35:06that I was,
35:07it's just like
35:08super unbelievable
35:09being comfortable
35:10in my skin.
35:12I'm still alive.
35:13today because of that.
35:17I still believe
35:17in the mission
35:18of paradise.
35:19It's very important
35:20for people to understand
35:21that like we need it.
35:23I believe in treating
35:24everybody like
35:25I want to be treated.
35:28For anybody
35:28that's ever been
35:29in my presence,
35:30like, you know,
35:32if I ever said
35:33anything or did
35:34anything,
35:35if you ever felt
35:35uneasy about me,
35:36like I'm sorry,
35:37like that was never,
35:38that was never
35:38my intention.
35:40I'm a completely
35:41different person
35:41to like,
35:42I've grown so much
35:42since then.
35:44Eventually,
35:44I'm going to get
35:45to the point
35:45where I can forgive
35:46these girls.
35:49And telling my story
35:51has to be
35:53the closure
35:54because otherwise
35:55I'm going to carry
35:56this around me
35:57until the end
35:58of my days
35:58and I don't want to.
36:04I don't want to
36:05Great.
36:07I'm really curious
36:08to see what comes out.
36:10You know,
36:10sometimes people
36:11just don't want
36:11to hear my story.
36:12They don't want to hear it.
36:23at the end of the day,
36:24what you're looking at
36:25is like a bunch
36:26of little bitches
36:27that didn't get
36:28what they want.
36:29To the uneducated
36:30TV viewer,
36:31this whole thing
36:32is just going to look
36:32like, oh,
36:33this is some
36:33problem, right?
36:34Some bitches
36:35that went to
36:35that guy's house
36:36and then they tried
36:37to cancel him.
36:40That's where we are
36:41right now.
36:42We're trying to move
36:43past it,
36:44but he never does.
36:45What I had to deal with,
36:48I don't have words for it.
36:52He continues to hurt me
36:54and he has a platform
36:56to do it.
36:58Not only did he
36:59take advantage of me,
37:01he put my naked body
37:04on the Internet.
37:07Stefan has security
37:08camera footage
37:08of her undressing
37:10in his living room
37:11where she was nude
37:12that he posted
37:13to TikTok.
37:16Like, that was vile.
37:18You don't do that.
37:22I've never made
37:23any unprovoked
37:24content about anybody
37:26unless it was me
37:27defending myself.
37:28You know,
37:28the whole pork chop
37:29ass situation is like
37:30there was plenty of people
37:31that immediately
37:32contacted me and said,
37:33like, you know,
37:33why did this bitch
37:34even take a shit off
37:35in your living room?
37:35Like, who does she
37:37think she is?
37:38And I couldn't go out
37:39on TikTok and say,
37:40like, oh,
37:40because she was a
37:41slopping whore at my house
37:42and she was just
37:42taking her shit off
37:43in my living room.
37:44Like, that would have
37:45been the appropriate
37:45reaction to that,
37:46but I didn't.
37:47I just kept quiet.
37:47I deleted the video
37:48and then I took it
37:49completely down and say,
37:50you know what,
37:51it's not even worth it.
37:52Because at the end
37:53of the day,
37:53every time...
37:53You know,
37:53he's grasping at
37:56trying to prove
37:58innocence rather than
37:58take accountability
37:59for anything he's done.
38:02It never stops.
38:03It just never stops.
38:10If paradise is
38:12a safe space
38:13for big girls,
38:14the world has
38:15failed big girls.
38:23Oh, I'm kidding.
38:24Oh, my God,
38:24you look so pretty.
38:25Look at you guys.
38:26Forever.
38:27Oh, my God,
38:27stop it.
38:28Hi, Cece.
38:30I want to think
38:31that we're all
38:31intelligent people
38:33and that we would
38:34have never expected
38:35that we would have
38:35ended up in the
38:36situations that we did.
38:37Not a million years.
38:37Oh, no.
38:39Empathy would make
38:40the world a lot safer
38:41of a place.
38:43There's a lot that's
38:44happened over the last
38:45couple of years.
38:46We've seen a lot,
38:48done a lot,
38:49hurt a lot of people,
38:50and I'm sorry.
38:52I cannot begin
38:53to put into words
38:54how proud I am of you.
38:55You look at peace.
38:58It's good to see you,
39:00to see you,
39:01if you know what I mean.
39:03I feel like me again.
39:06That's good.
39:06That's awesome.
39:07That man
39:08me up.
39:10I know.
39:11You are worth
39:12so much more than that.
39:13You have always
39:14been worth
39:16so much more than that.
39:24I think the culture
39:25that we live in
39:26will push fat women
39:28so far
39:29that a place
39:30like paradise,
39:31that is the better option.
39:33Paradise is the backdrop.
39:35But really,
39:36it's a conversation
39:37about how we're
39:39f***ing treating each other.
39:40If you have not lived
39:42in a fat body,
39:43I hope that people
39:44will watch this
39:44and to want to
39:45make a change.
39:47You have the power
39:49to live your life
39:51fearlessly,
39:52to experience joy
39:54and happiness
39:55and love
39:56and passion.
39:56And I would hope
39:58that one day
39:59we are seen
40:01as more
40:01than just
40:02our bodies.
40:05The road
40:06you're on
40:07is unpaved
40:08but the gravel
40:09is worth it.
40:10It has to be.
40:13Time hasn't failed you,
40:16just derailed you.
40:18Keep breathing,
40:19I know you'll see.
40:22What I see.
40:24What I see.
40:25Tell younger me
40:26that she's gonna be okay.
40:27You deserve better.
40:29You deserve to feel better
40:31about yourself
40:32and you deserve
40:33all the love
40:34and all the good things
40:35of the world
40:36and you deserve friends,
40:38people who see you
40:39and who love you
40:41unconditionally.
40:43Sure it's heavy,
40:44sure it's hard.
40:46Sometimes you've gotta
40:48go back to the start
40:50but you're still in there
40:52despite the fall
40:54despite it all.
41:00We're gonna get through it.
41:03Right?
41:05We're gonna do it.
41:32We're gonna do it.
41:37We're gonna do it.
41:47We're gonna do it.
41:47You
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