- 2 hours ago
Celebs Go Dating - Season 15 Episode 2
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00:00Previously on Celebs Go Dating
00:02Six brand new celebs came looking for love
00:06I'm so excited guys
00:07And they were thrown a swanky dinner party
00:10Well this is a bit booge
00:11Where their nearest and dearest spilled the tea
00:14She terrified of...
00:15Gingerman
00:16Steven's a nightmare
00:17Ooh
00:18Elderly ladies have got very close to him
00:22Absolute granny magnet
00:25Dates were then dished out
00:26He has checked me! Dating!
00:30Meow
00:30And tonight
00:31Hi
00:32Hi
00:33We get deep
00:34I was very much abandoned
00:36We get direct
00:37You're right bitch now
00:38And we get dirty
00:40God, suck a fart out of your ass
00:42He's got some cheek
00:44Has that a limb?
00:46Threesomes, foursomes, moresomes
00:47Go!
00:49Dating!
00:50Um
00:51Pining with the boom boom
00:53Do you mind if I kiss you?
00:54I dunno, can you play the drums?
00:59A-pa-ta-pa-ta-ta-pa-ta
01:02A-pa-ta-pa-ta
01:03A-pa-ta-pa-ta
01:03Welcome to Celebs Go Dating
01:05Romance rehab for any star lacking a little ooh la la
01:09Come on, let's get all your juices on your nib
01:12And Tom's playing with his penis again
01:14Sorry, read that wrong
01:15Tom's playing with his pens again
01:17Ard
01:19Meaning
01:20To burn with passion
01:25Someone who always makes me a little larder
01:27And the only man who can pull off a leather gilet outside the village people
01:31It's Paul the big doll Brunson
01:35Oh my best chum
01:38Look at the size of those trouser legs
01:40Oh my love
01:41Oh my goodness
01:43What?
01:44You have a chalkboard
01:45Yes, very high tech Tom
01:47I love it
01:47So every day
01:48Are we going to get a word?
01:50Well, if you'd like
01:51Yes
01:51I mean, the thing is
01:53I could use it for admin as well
01:55Oh no
01:56You prefer that etymological stimulation
01:58I knew you would
02:02Well if there's stimulation of any kind going on
02:05Saucy sexpert Dr. T is going to want to be a part of it
02:10Hi friends
02:11Hi
02:12Hello
02:13Good morning
02:14Good morning
02:15Good morning
02:17And you know eh, doves won't want to be left out in the rain
02:20Should have hung Paul's trousers up as a canopy
02:22Could have kept the whole postcode dry
02:26Good morning team
02:27Oh no
02:27God bloody hell, it's quite cats and dogs
02:29Oh you look so good
02:30Thank you, I'm very wet
02:32Oh
02:32Ever the oversharer
02:34Such a wet day but such an exciting day
02:36Off the back of yesterday
02:38Yes
02:39That was, can I say
02:40That was the most phenomenal opening event I think we've ever had
02:45Beautiful and insightful
02:47Someone that surprised me was Colleen
02:50Colleen's someone who's so prominent in the UK media
02:54So in my head I thought she would be a bit of a diva
02:58But oh absolutely not
03:01Wow
03:01So warm, kind and nice
03:03I don't know, I've seen her rider
03:05A bowl full of lemon sherbets and a can of dandelion and burdock
03:08Or she won't turn up
03:09From a negative, it was Gabby
03:11Yes, here is someone now who is a rabbit in her headlights
03:15Yes
03:15And I think this is going to be a real challenge for Gabby
03:19Very exposing, I thought for Gabby
03:21What do we think of Lucinda?
03:22Oh, I mean I think she's exactly like what you see is what you get
03:26Yeah
03:26When she signed up to join the agency, immediately I was a bit apprehensive
03:32Because she does consider herself an expert in this category of love and relationships
03:39And I thought, wow, will she be open enough to actually hear us out?
03:44Who surprised you the most last night?
03:47Steven, without question
03:49Because I feel like he was also one of the leaders
03:51He set the tone by being vulnerable
03:54Yes
03:54And that allowed the entire group to be vulnerable
03:56Yes
03:56So I applaud that
03:57Yes
03:57Because if he set the tone by being jokey or by being dismissive
04:02Everyone would have followed through
04:04Yes
04:04Yeah, yeah
04:04Alright Paul, some of us pay the mortgage being jokey and dismissive
04:09Anyway, you'll be pleased to know, first in the agency, and in need of some expert coaching
04:14After a while out of the dating game, is golden boy Steven
04:17A man who's so pro-green, that he'll wear all the ugliest shades of it
04:22Liberty dating agency
04:23Hello, Steven
04:24Come in, dude
04:25It was meant to be a one night thing
04:27Nothing more than a little one night thing
04:29Now when I'm in need, you're the one night ring
04:31I need you tonight
04:35Entrez
04:36Hello
04:37Hello
04:37Hello, you
04:38Look at that noisy jacket
04:39How are you doing?
04:41Oh, I'm swell
04:42Good, you look great
04:43I forget how lofty you are
04:45You're like a...
04:45You're like a great sequoia
04:47What's a sequoia?
04:49You know, like those redwoods
04:50You're forgetting he's not actually a professor, Tom
04:52Those ones that sort of stretch up to the skies almost interminably
04:56Very tall trees
04:57Yeah, he could have just said that
04:59I was in the jungle recently
05:01Oh really?
05:02You should mention it more often
05:03Do you know what?
05:04You had such a good bunch in there
05:05I met H recently and he's a...
05:07Oh, H is sublime
05:08He's a gorgeous human
05:09Yeah
05:10Do you know, in a funny old way
05:11I think you and H are very similar
05:13Are they?
05:14Because you're very, very...
05:15We're both white and we rap
05:17Well...
05:18Awkward
05:18Change of subject, Tom
05:19I'm glad that your lucky mastoid is popping out again
05:23How can you see that when his legs are crossed?
05:25It's always out there unless I've got a scarf on
05:27Oh, he means his tattoo
05:29Oh...
05:29Do you have any names on you?
05:31I've got a couple
05:33The most recent one is half of my son's name
05:36His name is Slimane, which is the Arabic Solomon
05:38Got Slim on me in his handwriting
05:40I've got fat on me in my wife's handwriting
05:42Just a bit of fun
05:49One thing that's no joke is how seriously Gabby takes getting ready for a date
05:53The geezers are fishermen Gavs just chucking some waders and reel him in
05:57Most people say less is more, but I like more is more
06:02Flipping heck, is she Rob Toot and Carmoon?
06:04The more jewellery I can wear the better
06:06I feel like it makes an outfit
06:07And also this is the most organised I've ever been for any date in my whole life
06:11Surprised you're making any effort after the way you went on at last night's dinner party
06:17Oh, I don't fancy him
06:19I spend my days handling carp
06:21Is that fish?
06:22It is
06:22That doesn't turn me on
06:23Really? I'm getting a semi
06:24Can we have another one?
06:25You can, but he handles trout
06:28All I know about him is that he handles carp on the daily
06:31Just think of all the Omega 3 Gabs
06:34I need to maybe broaden my horizons and not be so set in my ways
06:38And think that I know what I want when I might
06:41That might be where I'm going wrong
06:44Alright, well that sounds begrudgingly positive
06:46Well done
06:46You know, if I really fancy somebody then I can kind of just ignore all the red flags
06:50Just because I think they really fit
06:53So, maybe I need to do it the opposite way around
06:55And get to know someone first
06:56And then really like them
06:58Yeah, that's the spirit
07:00I don't ever put this much thought into it
07:02It's just intense
07:04It's a lot
07:06There's so much you have to think about
07:07Let alone the bloody what dress I'm going to wear
07:10Does it actually even matter?
07:11What I wear at this point?
07:14Ah
07:14And we're back to Negi energy again
07:16It was good white lasted
07:19Far more excited is Anna
07:20Who's fangirling hard after calling Pro Green up for his consultation
07:25I don't think we've ever had a celebrity quite as cool as Steven, Professor Green
07:30Dean Gaffney's going to be fuming
07:32This is what I loved about him at the dinner party
07:34He says that everyone thinks he is this, yeah, quite hard man, cool, because he's a hip-hop star
07:40Yes
07:41But he doesn't see that
07:42And even his friend Lewis was like, he's clunky, he's awkward, he's chaotic
07:46He actually called him a nightmare
07:48So I think what's going to be brilliant is shining a spotlight on Professor Green, Steven
07:54In a way that nobody has ever done before
07:57Come on in
07:58Come on in
08:01Steven
08:02Hello
08:02Hello
08:04Steven's openness at the dinner party made him an early contender for teacher's pet
08:09I'm relatively newly separated
08:10My situation is difficult
08:13Everything works backwards from being a father
08:15So I would like to get under the, I'd like to get under my hood
08:19Find out a little bit about me
08:20And first to try and get underneath said hood is Viv
08:23We have some envelopes
08:24These are your first dates
08:26Shit's real
08:27Shit just got real
08:28Well, if Viv is even half as keen as Anna, it'll be set
08:32I'm never with you, Steven
08:33I Need You Tonight is constantly on In My Kitchen
08:36Well, on that subject, it clearly is a true story
08:39For all my fans that thought I was just playing a character
08:41That was a song about a man who was hopeless in love, wasn't it?
08:44Yes
08:44Yes
08:46Look, we've had plenty of musicians come through the celebrity dating agency doors
08:49But Steven is the first bonafide rapper
08:52And as a hip-hop fan coming from the birthplace of hip-hop, Queens, New York
08:58I can't tell you how excited I am that he is here
09:01Did you ever breakdance?
09:03Hell no
09:04Alright, so in full disclosure, do you know this?
09:06Can you breakdance?
09:06Something tells me, we're about to find out
09:08So
09:09Hang on, I've known this man in 10 years
09:11Alright
09:12Ready?
09:14Oh, you get it
09:15Smooth
09:17Oh, so he can't breakdance?
09:21You have to commit to your best breakdance move
09:25Sorry to be boring Bobby, but can we commit to finding Steven a date and stop mucking about, please?
09:30Go on then
09:30Are you ready?
09:31My tits might fall out
09:32Oh, I suppose there's no harm in one more move
09:35Sorry Steven
09:38She wasn't joking
09:42What are you doing?
09:43She's making a well-respected rapper feel very uncomfortable, P-Dog
09:46That's what she's doing
09:47We want to applaud you for the dinner party
09:51Because of how you started and how you opened
09:54I quite often dive head first
09:56Here I am, here it is
09:57Yes
09:58But in this instance I'm really happy I did
09:59If it gave people permission to put forward what they might not have otherwise
10:06What is it that you believe we can help you most with?
10:09I've never had objective opinion on how I communicate in the setting of a date
10:18And, you know, hands up, I've been completely honest
10:21I don't know if I'm even ready to date
10:23But there's more pressure than needs to be on it by saying it's a date
10:26Because ultimately it's two people sitting down and having a conversation
10:29That is a major statement, hands up, I may not be ready to date
10:35That's one that we definitely have to unpack a bit
10:38Yeah
10:39In a session
10:40There's going to be feelings of guilt around all of this
10:43Is it guilt because it's very fresh coming into the dating world?
10:47Because obviously we are aware that you have very recently come out of a relationship
10:52And is that the source of guilt?
10:54Absolutely, that is the source of guilt
10:56It's really hard to step confidently into something new
11:00When what came before it is still so close in the rear view
11:05And when there is a child involved it is made ever more complicated
11:10Not least of all because they are front and centre and priority in all things
11:15I am still grieving
11:17The loss of your relationship
11:19Yeah, absolutely
11:20Of course
11:21And not just for me
11:23For our family
11:25For our son
11:26For those feelings of confusion that we are impacting him with
11:29It feels like a hell of a lot
11:32Yeah
11:33Yeah
11:48Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating
11:50Where a bonza little beauty is heading in for some pointers after getting paired up with a date at last
11:56night's dinner party
11:57I think the first tip should be
11:59Don't marry the lad at first sight
12:00Oh, it's true
12:03Hello, celebrity dating agency
12:05Hello, gorgeous Tom, it's Lucinda
12:08Come in
12:18Oh, oh
12:20Hello
12:22Sartorial sorceress you are
12:24Well then you should tell her her wizard sleeves hanging out
12:26Having recently delved rather extensively down under
12:31I have returned to Blighty with a hankering for more
12:35And Lucinda more than satisfies that hankering
12:39You look to me like somebody in her prime
12:43You just radiate light
12:45That is very sweet
12:46You know Lucinda means light
12:48It means the sparkle on the champagne
12:50You are like a vintage champagne
12:52You're suffused with gold
12:54Do you know all I got out of that is vintage, which I like
12:57Because it's true
12:58I'm middle-aged now
12:59Oh, no, no
13:00No
13:00Which is what I'm not old
13:01Lucinda, what have I said?
13:04Pretty sure you said she was old and dusty like forgotten fizz
13:07That's what we heard
13:10Upstairs, an uncorked Stevens continuing to open up to Anna and Paul about his relationship troubles
13:15I've never been very good at letting go
13:18I really struggle
13:18Even when things aren't good for me or good for us or good for, you know, anyone involved
13:24And I don't know if that comes from my having been abandoned early on
13:30Everyone always goes back to childhood, right?
13:32To try and find the reasons for things
13:33Correct
13:34But I was very much abandoned and felt as such
13:38Despite having such a solid family unit by way of my grandmother, my great-grandmother and my uncles
13:42And I think that potentially makes me not want to abandon someone else because I'm very aware of that feeling
13:50Right
13:51Stephen is clearly feeling very fragile and understandably so
13:56He has been through a lot of challenges in his life ranging from his early childhood right up until recent
14:02relationship breakdown
14:03But he does seem to be very open to working through a lot of those emotions which will be immensely
14:08helpful
14:08What we want you to do is use this opportunity to help you grieve your relationship
14:14And I think when it comes to the dating side of things to help you with some of your challenges
14:22Communication, interpersonal skills, confidence, self-esteem
14:26I feel like some of that has been eroded
14:28Right
14:30My posture isn't always, you know, I've had people pick up on it
14:32Right
14:33And I carry things, you know, and I don't, I'm not very good at hiding that
14:39And at 42, having recently been diagnosed as autistic
14:43And trying to get my head around that
14:46It's so weird getting to this age and being like, hmm, who am I?
14:53Have you dated within the last year?
14:59No, not like, let's go to a restaurant, let's, this could be something, no
15:02Are you still open to going out on dates?
15:06It's, yeah, I have to reframe it as something other than to be comfortable with it, but yeah
15:10What works for you? Meet up? A drink?
15:14I don't know
15:15How about meet up?
15:17Nah, celebs go meeting up sounds well shit
15:19They do that on Amsterdam Eve
15:21But does that feel more comfortable for you? Yeah
15:22Perfect, because that really is all it is
15:24The pressure is off
15:26I think it's going to be a really good first step for you with Viv
15:31I will just try and follow your lead and trust you
15:34Super
15:35Thank you, thank you
15:36Steven, thank you
15:37Alright, thank you
15:38Alright, thank you
15:39We're going to have a really fun time, I promise you
15:41See you later
15:41Bye love, good to see you
15:42See ya
15:45Man, gosh, I tell you, he's perfect
15:48What a brilliant chap
15:51Yes
15:51I mean, he is very complicated, he's very deep, he's very self-aware
15:55And I think it's very brave of him to want to be vulnerable with us to explore his romantic life
16:03as well
16:04So while Steven has the night to ready himself for tomorrow's day, sorry, meet up with Viv
16:16A judgmental Gabby has been told to be a bit more accepting going into her first date at the agency
16:21with Fisherman Johnny
16:23I'm actually really nervous about my dates
16:24On first impressions I wasn't instantly attracted to him
16:29He's obsessed with fish and listen, I need my man to be more obsessed with me than anything
16:34So that's one thing that we might have to work through
16:37Come on Gabs, cut him some slack, there's more to the man than just fish
16:40So on way down, I've called past fair, right, and I've played a bit of hook and duck and I've
16:45only got to bought her a goldfish from fair
16:47So I'm going to see how she likes a little pet goldfish
16:51Okay, so maybe he's a little bit obsessed with fish, but at least he didn't bring a carp
16:55I wasn't initially attracted to Johnny, but, you know, things can change
16:58He might have great craft
16:59Or he might have a fish in a bag
17:08Oh my god
17:09What are you saying, my lashing hood?
17:12I can't bet you've never ever ever seen this in your life, have you?
17:15Calm down, it's a goldfish, not the Loch Ness Monster
17:18That nobody's ever fetched you a goldfish
17:22No, thank you
17:23What would you name it?
17:25Oh, do you want me to use to name it?
17:26Yeah, go on, what would you call it?
17:27I'd call it little Johnny me
17:28Normally bringing a Johnny to a first date would be a bit presumptuous
17:31But, you know, I don't want to call it a little Johnny me
17:32But this is a whole nother level
17:33I cannot believe that he's walked in with a goldfish
17:36It's definitely a nice breaker
17:38But it's not the kind of first impression that I was looking for
17:43He's cute though
17:44Yeah, but surely you catch bigger fish than this though
17:46I do catch bigger fish than that
17:48Big carp?
17:49Big carp, yeah
17:49Big carp
17:50Have you ever done fishing?
17:52I just thought it was so boring
17:54He can't wrap his head around that, can he?
17:56What do you mean he's in?
17:59So tell me, okay
18:00Wait, I'll
18:01Wait, pull it back
18:03Why fishing?
18:04There's no better thing than being inside at water
18:06Do you know when you wake up in the morning and you've got water
18:08And you wake up to ducks, bird life and stuff like that
18:11And then catching a fish is another thing
18:14That's just a bonus really
18:15I just like being up one with nature so we say
18:18Oh, that's nice
18:19I know Gabs, I'm sold, pass me a rod
18:21Can I take your food order please?
18:23I'm just going to have a pepperoni pizza my mate
18:25Are you?
18:26Yeah, what are you going to have now?
18:27I'm going to get a sea bass piece
18:29Cover your ears little Johnny, might be his cousin
18:31I know you're going to have a fish
18:34I'll feed you now
18:35Well this is going better than expected
18:37I wonder if Gabby's going to end up lakeside with her hands on Johnny's tackle
18:47Back at the agency, Dr T and the PCB are hoping to tackle Lucinda's relationship
18:52Was
18:53I'm excited to see her
18:55I'm very curious why it has been such a struggle for her to date
19:00Because she's a gem
19:01So what is wrong?
19:03Great question
19:04We will find out
19:06Hi!
19:08Oh my gosh, hello you gorgeous creatures
19:10Lucinda, you're here
19:12Lucinda brightens and opens up every room she walks into
19:16And I can't tell you how excited I am that she's walked through the agency doors
19:22I'm a little bit nervous
19:23My heart's beating
19:24She's dragged her sleeve up two floors
19:27It's a lot on the line all of this, isn't it?
19:30What is on the line?
19:31I suppose exposing myself to love again
19:37I'm letting some armor go
19:39I'm being really real
19:41And I'm absolutely on the pursuit for my love
19:46Lucinda, what is the last committed, loving, safe relationship you were in?
19:53End of 2018, I was with somebody for five years, he had children
19:58And I was 38 and really wanted a baby
20:02And he was just so undecided about it
20:05And I just walked
20:06I walked on my 38th birthday
20:08Wow
20:09And it was one of the hardest things I've done
20:12And I was just full of regret and pain
20:15And I then had a nervous breakdown
20:19That was a wreck
20:20Absolute wrecking ball
20:22It's really brave for Lucinda to open up about this
20:25Time is of the essence
20:27And the pressure is really on for us
20:29To find a suitable partner for her to take the next step with
20:33I think a big point of tension
20:35That perhaps you've already worked on it
20:36I recently worked on it
20:38Actually is grieving not having children
20:40It was a big moment for me
20:43And I'm sure you had to go through a lot of internal emotional rollercoaster
20:48Of like, well, but I'm a woman
20:50This is what I'm supposed to do
20:51And I think I'm still grieving Ash
20:55Did you freeze your eggs?
20:56No
20:57Okay
20:57No, because I always thought
20:59You know, we'll crack open life into existence
21:03If it's meant to be
21:05Look, I'm a cancerian mama
21:07I always thought I'd have kids
21:09And it is still possible that I do
21:12I'm quite philosophical about it
21:14I've always sort of left it up to the universe to decide
21:18What will be so, will be so
21:20There's still a tiny piece of me that's like
21:23But you still could know
21:24Like, what if you met somebody
21:27You could actually still
21:29At the eleventh hour
21:30Squeeze in a little nugget
21:42Whilst Lucinda wishes for a conceivable connection
21:45Gabby's already been on the receiving end of Johnny's Little Swimmers
21:48Thank you, hon
21:48Have a dick at size of that, man
21:51Have a dick?
21:52I'll have a look, but that's as far as I'll go
21:55Enjoy
21:55Thank you so much
21:56Right, go on then, tell me
21:58What kind of bloat are you into?
21:59Are you into a proper chava or are you into a spice boy?
22:03Are we into a sort of one of them pretty boys?
22:06I do like a good looking face
22:09And...
22:09A healthy appetite?
22:10Someone that works out
22:11You look like you work out
22:12Do you train?
22:13Talking about training turns me on
22:15Here we go, talk about an open goal
22:17Go on, Johnny
22:18Realer in, mate
22:19What are you benching, bro?
22:21Jesus Christ, that's fucking red hot, man
22:24Mate, come on
22:25I guess we can rule out the spice boy then
22:29Spicy hot?
22:31Spicy
22:34How's your face?
22:35It's actually really good
22:36I don't think Little Johnny's happy, you know
22:39Oh my God, no
22:40Don't look, Johnny
22:41His old brethren's all cooked up, man
22:45I wouldn't go as far as saying
22:46I fancy Johnny yet
22:48But...
22:48He's funny
22:49I'll give him that
22:50Sounds like keeping an open mind is paying off
22:53The agents are going to be well smug
22:56How long have you been single?
22:58I've been single for...
23:00Two years
23:01Give or take
23:02I just find it so hard to find someone that I actually really like
23:05Yeah?
23:06What about you?
23:07Not long
23:07Not long?
23:09I feel like you're a player
23:12Player, player
23:14No?
23:15At least a night, mate
23:17Do you not get loads of girls in your DMs now?
23:18Loads
23:19Not going to lie to you
23:20Come on, tell me what they say
23:21Tell me what they say
23:22What's the best line that you've had?
23:23I tell you what, the worst...
23:24The worst one
23:25Were a bit weird
23:26It says, oh God
23:27I'd suck a fart out of your arse
23:29She'd do what now?
23:30And I think to me saying
23:32Who's sucking farts out of people's arses?
23:34Do you know what I mean?
23:35Who's doing that?
23:36I don't know, but when you find out
23:37Give them my number
23:38I've got a backlog here
23:39What a girl wrote that?
23:41Yeah, yeah, yeah
23:44And that didn't work
23:46No, did it fuck?
23:47To be fair, I wouldn't mind having a go on girls anyway
23:50Fit, aren't you?
23:51Jesus Christ, he's turned up with a fish in a bag
23:53And he wants to suck a fart out of her arse
23:55What a first date
24:07Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating
24:09Where Lucinda's been baring her soul to the agents
24:12And surrendering to a process in a way
24:14Only someone prepared to marry a complete stranger could
24:18You are incredibly self-aware
24:21Mm-hmm
24:22Do you believe that you're in a space
24:24To relinquish the guidance of your love life to us?
24:30Yes
24:30Okay
24:31I desperately need your help
24:33The last couple of years I have been quite dormant
24:36Ah, sorry to hear that, Luce
24:38Apart from a couple of affairs
24:40And a bit of poly
24:41And from a very sexy affair in Indonesia last year
24:45Which was just hot to trash
24:47Okay
24:48Well, that put my handjob last month to shame
24:50I've been involved in tantra communities
24:53Oh, she's not finished
24:55Tried a woman for the first time in my life
24:57And that was incredible
24:59I have given it all a go, don't you worry
25:03We believe it, you've had it all, right?
25:05You've done it all
25:06I've done a bit of all of that
25:07Threesomes, foursomes, moresomes, you name it
25:10Sounds like she's done everything except learn what dormant means
25:14Is it your desire to have one committed partner?
25:18And then if so, in what form?
25:22Is that marriage or some other form?
25:24I am open to unconventional
25:27But I do love the idea of really sharing my life with somebody for the next couple of decades
25:36Okay
25:36I do want somebody that's up for life, you know
25:41Yes
25:41That's just got a bit of funk in his soul
25:44Yes
25:45Like I just want a sexy kind of middle-aged dude that's got it going on
25:50Watch your back, Paul, and your front
25:51So what did you think of the letter that you got at the dinner party?
25:57We have some envelopes
25:59They signify the beginning of your own dating journey
26:03Oh!
26:04Aw!
26:06He was cool
26:08Neil, oh he seems delightful
26:10All I really know about him is golfing and surfing
26:14I don't know much about golf to be honest
26:17Alright, fair
26:18Is he a swinger? I'm not sure
26:19Just don't get excited if he mentions a foursome
26:22It's not what you think
26:23That's how I got barred from the West Wycombe Pitch and Putt
26:26I've had many friends who've come from married at first sight
26:29Mm-hmm
26:29Okay
26:31Traumatized
26:32A tiny bit
26:34Yes, but they often enter relationships very quickly
26:38I will say though, you're not there to attach
26:42You're simply there to observe
26:44Yes
26:45I think that's very important because that takes the pressure off
26:49This was a great first session
26:50Loving your vibes, you guys just suck
26:53Yeah
26:53Wicked giants
26:55See you gorgeous
26:56We'll see you guys soon
26:58Okay, take care
26:58Thank you
26:59Have fun tonight
27:00Bye
27:03That was so lovely
27:04Yeah, she's great
27:06She has an opportunity to truly find a partner in this agency
27:11Who says she'll stick to one?
27:18And speaking of kinks, still reading from a flirty farty fantasy
27:22The open mind that Gabby was encouraged to bring to a date with fart Hoover Johnny
27:26Might be rapidly shrinking
27:30Imagine going on a date
27:32And being pulled out of your fucking head
27:34I'm so confused
27:34I like this guy, but it's too much, innit?
27:36I'd just walk away
27:37Wait...
27:38I know what I want and I want what I know
27:39So I'm very forward
27:40Wait, so you do a backdoor...
27:41Sorry, just got to go the loo and then backdoor it?
27:43Yeah, of course
27:44Don't tell him to backdoor it Gabby
27:46He'll be all over you
27:48That's five
27:50But this is going well for me and you, my lass
27:53I'm still here, so
27:54Yeah, but how long will she be?
27:56So, if you take me out, where would you take me?
27:59I normally let the woman decide where we're going to go
28:03Because I'm just...
28:03I need a leader though
28:06I like somebody that's like, I'm going to pick you up at eight
28:09We'll go in this place
28:10I'll take you
28:10Yeah
28:10Yeah
28:11Where would I take you, man?
28:12Curry house followed by yoga
28:16We can just go to a nice bar
28:17Yeah, I'd probably get smashed, yeah
28:20Yeah, get smashed back to a no-town
28:21Oh, he's off again
28:23Oh, okay
28:24Yeah
28:24First night
28:26You'll never find a sitter for little Johnny at such short notice
28:30Depends how you're feeling
28:32I'm easy, me, my lass
28:33Yeah, we kind of noticed that when you offered to suck a fart out of her arse
28:37Johnny has got great energy, he makes me belly laugh, but he's a lot
28:41Maybe a bit too much
28:43I'm just going to go for it to the toilet
28:46You'll do you, my lass
28:47Thank you
28:48Hold up, where's she going?
28:50Is she going for a back door exit?
28:54She wouldn't leave him with sole custody of little Johnny, would she?
28:59Whilst Johnny waits to see if Gabby's slipped out like a bum bubble
29:02Bubbly Colleen is slipping into the agency under the cover of darkness to discuss her date with Neil last night
29:09Hello, celebrity dating agency
29:11Hi, it's Colleen
29:13Sexy music on the wall
29:17Sexy music, I was getting it all
29:20Sexy, sexy music
29:22Sexy music
29:25Oh, hello you
29:28Oh, welcome, welcome
29:31Good to be here
29:32I'm so happy to have a veteran songstress and professional jabberer at the agency
29:38It's not every day that I'm allowed to probe a loose woman
29:42You were magnificent last night, by the way
29:45I just have to tell you, you came in like a Madagascan movie
29:50And I just thought, my God, she's doing this with a plum and panache
29:55Are those her sisters? There's too many of them to remember
29:58Oh, Tom, stop
29:59I do, an awful lot of gentlemen might think that in very short order too
30:03Oh, well, fingers crossed
30:05You're touring again, aren't you?
30:07Yeah, but this one is more of a, like an audience with
30:10But might there be a song?
30:12Oh, there has to be at least one song
30:14Have they got more than one?
30:15Oh, Colleen, yes
30:18There could not be
30:19They'll be sitting there waiting for it
30:21Oh, my God
30:22Get up, let me teach you don't make waves
30:24Don't make waves? I'm in the mood for dancing, Colleen
30:27Give the people what they want
30:28People remember this more than a song
30:30No one remembers the song
30:35Don't, don't make waves
30:38Oh, oh, you've become the, oh, I clicked then
30:40Did you hear that? That's so embarrassing
30:42Fair play
30:43Colleen still moves like someone half her age
30:45Tom dances like my nan though
30:47And she's on her full vip
30:58And hippie Lucinda is looking to put the moves on a middle-aged dude with funk in his soul
31:03Could that be golf pro, Neil?
31:05I'm actually really excited to meet Neil
31:07I think he looks like a really kind, lovely, open kind of guy
31:12Well, he's going to have to be open to quite a lot to keep up with you, Luce
31:15He's got a good vibe
31:17I haven't been on any dating apps or anything like that
31:20For the best part of six years
31:21And now I've thrown myself into this
31:23So what could go wrong?
31:25You could end up in a polyamorous foursome in Indonesia
31:28For all we know, mate
31:29Because you're chasing goodbye
31:33Hi!
31:34How are you?
31:35Very well, thank you
31:36Yay!
31:36How are you all?
31:38Lovely to meet you too
31:39Thank you, you're so brave
31:41Not the most reassuring thing to open with
31:46Thank you
31:48Yes, where did you come from just now?
31:51Bournemouth, yes
31:53Have you been there before?
31:54I have been to Bournemouth
31:55Nice
31:55I was there last year
31:56One of the affairs, no doubt
31:57Yeah, it's cute
31:58It's not bad, it's not bad
31:59I love all the beach boxes
32:01Yes, yeah
32:03Well actually, do you know something?
32:06That would be the first beach huts in the UK
32:11Something tells me Neil's not a part of the tantric sex community
32:14Oh, Neil is such a lovely guy and a really handsome guy
32:19I can tell he's nervous
32:21I hope he loosens up
32:22Um
32:25You're from Australia
32:27I'm from Australia
32:27Whereabouts?
32:28I'm from the Great Ocean Road, which is super surfing
32:31Nice
32:32It's got massive surf culture
32:33Do you surf?
32:35No, I'm in the ocean all the time
32:37But not so much on the surfboard
32:41Yeah
32:42Okay
32:42You're a golfer as well
32:43I teach golf as well
32:45You teach golf?
32:46Yeah, yeah, yeah
32:47Oh, okay
32:48Um
32:50So while Lucinda and Neil try to find their way out of the rough
32:56The Asians are keen to hear how Colleen's dating journey teed off last night
33:01Golf stuff
33:02Hello
33:02Oh, well, I'm at the right door
33:04Colleen, welcome
33:07During the dinner party, Colleen opened up about her struggles with loneliness
33:11This sounds pathetic
33:13This year was the first time that I've ever had to put Christmas decorations up on my own
33:17Mm-hmm
33:18And then went straight out to meet former army engineer, Neil
33:22So I've never actually blown up a bridge, but I taught people how to do it
33:26Backseat driver
33:27There's no one to tell about my day
33:30Oh, my God, that's me
33:31After a promising start, the ex-soldier went in for the kill
33:35I would really like to see you again
33:37I hope you feel the same
33:38Yeah, that'd be lovely
33:39Really, Colleen?
33:41Welcome to the agency
33:43Welcome to your safe space
33:45Oh, absolutely
33:46I'm genuinely here for your help
33:49To hopefully meet someone
33:51Because I'm just not doing a very good job of it
33:54I'm trying
33:55Is it possible for us to go into unpacking your date?
34:02So, Neil
34:03I can't fault him on being a really nice man
34:07Because he was
34:08But as time went on, I just didn't feel any connection
34:12I don't know, I just didn't feel attracted
34:15And then
34:16Go on
34:17He asked me if I want to see him again
34:19Okay, what did you say?
34:21I went, oh, yeah, that'd be nice
34:25Wow, Colleen
34:27Oh Colleen
34:28He was so nice
34:30How can I say to someone no?
34:33That's the epitome of people pleasing
34:34This is it
34:35I don't know if it's a people pleaser
34:37I just don't want to hurt people
34:38Right
34:39That's a people pleaser
34:40And people pleasers are lovely, lovely people
34:43I used to be one
34:44Not anymore
34:45She goes, no, you're a rat bitch now
34:50Whoa, suck the fart out of that one, eh, Dubs?
34:52Yes
34:54Yes
34:55That is the truth
34:57That is the truth
34:59Finally someone speak the truth
35:00I hope I end up like you at the end of this
35:02She might be a Nolan sister, but she's the daddy now
35:19Welcome back to Celebs Go Dating
35:21Where fart fan Johnny's anxiously waiting to see if Gabby's given him a taste of his own medicine and done
35:27a runner
35:28She's here, man
35:30Do you know what I thought you'd done then, my lass? I thought you'd fucking backdoored me
35:36No, I'm sorry, I'm sorry
35:39Sorted?
35:40Yeah
35:40She's a lot lighter on her feet now
35:42What would be your ideal first date? Where would you want to take me?
35:45Erm
35:45I doubt she knows many tackle and bait shops
35:48Or second date, in fact, fuck that, we were going on a third date, my lass
35:52He's not letting her off the hook here, is he?
35:54Should have expected that from an angler
35:55I just love a nice restaurant with a good wine
35:58Although I like a good steak
36:00Do you? How do you have it?
36:03Medium, not too much blood, but
36:05I don't like it dripping, man
36:07No, same
36:09Medium rare
36:10It makes everything else go soggy around it
36:12Do you know what I mean?
36:13Yeah, just a bit pink
36:14I'm not bothered about things going soggy
36:16Unless
36:18This guy is something else
36:22Here, I'll take that by, mate
36:25Are you sure? Do you want to go halves?
36:26100%, no, you're right
36:27He don't do anything by halves, this guy
36:30100% commitment to every thought that ever enters his head
36:33Thank you
36:34That's very kind of you
36:36This is probably a date that I'm going to remember for the rest of my fucking life
36:40Oh, that's sweet, so
36:42So will we, my lad, so will we
36:44Thank you so much for dinner
36:46We'll definitely be in touch
36:48You'll be in touch, will ya?
36:49Aren't you forgetting something?
36:51Fish, don't forget your fish
36:52Sorry, I forgot my fish, sorry
36:53Don't forget your fish
36:55Little Johnny, big Johnny, come on then
36:56Little Johnny
36:57It was a first date like I've not had before
37:00Moving forward, I don't know whether I would pursue him romantically
37:05Thank you for tonight, I had so much fun
37:08Absolutely amazing, my lass
37:09And next time, I am coming home with her
37:13You wish
37:14She's a proper fit little thing she is, man
37:17She took me by surprise
37:18I feel like
37:20Something out of a fucking movie man
37:22And I spent a lot of money on a good old outfit to impress her
37:25So it wants to be worth it and done it
37:27So, but yeah, I'd go on a second date with her
37:29Who's going to tell him?
37:30Hats off to him, I think he will be perfect for somebody that
37:35I can't even say I was going to tell him
37:37That likes farts being sucked out their arse
37:41But he also said he'd suck a fart out of my arse
37:43Which, I mean, I think is a compliment
37:46Never heard that one before, but I'll take it
37:49That's how it starts, Gabs
37:50Then before you know it, you're the piggy in the middle of a human centipede
37:53Worst second date ever
37:57Just across the way, Lucinda was pretty gassed to meet up with Neil
38:01But he's yet to really let rip in the banter department
38:04Come on, buddy, relax, you've got this
38:06Two teams? Yeah, cheers
38:09Thanks for being here
38:10Pleasure, pleasure's mine
38:12So tell me a little bit more about you, you know, your family
38:15Or what, I don't know, what else are you passionate about?
38:18Um, so...
38:20Alright, Neil, here's your chance, art, music, tantric sex
38:22Yeah, um...
38:24Golf is my passion, I guess
38:26Oh, Neil...
38:28I'm looking for that passion and spark
38:30I mean, I love that he loves what he does
38:33But, yeah, maybe not quite many
38:37What do you look for in a woman?
38:39I think, um...
38:40A good grip that's soft on the shaft
38:42Chemistry
38:45And...
38:46And passion
38:47Bingo! That's more like it, Neil!
38:49How about yourself?
38:50Yeah, I suppose just a reciprocal
38:54Enjoyment of each other, good banter
38:56Oh, yeah, we've got that
38:58We've got that, I think we've definitely
39:00Early days, early days
39:01No, I'm enjoying you immensely
39:03Yeah
39:03Did you want a Chinese ceviche here?
39:05Yeah, let's go with that
39:06Ooh, sharing food, nice
39:08I might have to get a bit closer
39:09Okay
39:11Oh, bit of body language, go on, Neil
39:12So, do you want me to feed you?
39:14Yes, please
39:14Okay
39:16Much better, yes
39:17It's like they've both just remembered how to flirt
39:21That's good
39:23Nice
39:24I'm enjoying being quite close to Neil
39:27This is a bit more me
39:28This is good, feeling the energy
39:30And just being in this little container
39:32I can get my flirt on now
39:34How did you go with your sherbet drink?
39:36Yeah, that went down very well
39:38You didn't lick all the sides?
39:40No
39:41Can I?
39:42Go for it
39:42Alright, I just really want to lick your bars
39:46Wow, who had first date rimming on their bingo card?
39:50I was all in on the Gabby date for that one
39:52Give me, give me, give me more
39:55Back at the agency, people pleaser Colleen is looking to rediscover her dating mojo
39:59With the help of Paul and that right bitch, Anna
40:02Her words, not mine
40:03If you were to break down the areas that you believe we can most help you, what would those areas
40:08be?
40:08I think me, mainly
40:10I think I'm the problem
40:15I don't know why
40:16I've kind of been through a lot relationship-wise
40:18You know, I've had two marriages and I've had relationships since then
40:21And I think I want something and then I get it and then I think, oh
40:25And I almost back away from it and think, no, I don't want it, I don't want that
40:30So in the last few months, I've kind of sat there and thought, I don't know what I want
40:34That's very honest
40:35Very honest
40:36And also for me, going out feels like work
40:39The last couple of years, all my kids have moved
40:41So you go through the empty nest
40:42And for a while it was bliss
40:44I'm not going to lie, I thought, wow
40:46You know, and now they're all very settled and they've all got kids
40:50And you know, I see them every day really
40:52But then they all go home, you know
40:54And I think I said at the dinner party, this was my first Christmas putting decorations up on my own
40:59To the point where I hated it, I didn't even feel Christmassy
41:02And then it hit me where I thought, I don't know if I'm ready to just be on my own
41:09I really appreciate and commend Colleen's honesty
41:12She is really brave to share this with us
41:15Empty nest syndrome is actually really common
41:18And I reckon there are a lot of people who can relate to this
41:21Going back to the dinner party
41:24It's interesting, there was one word that you said that stood out above all of the other words
41:29Another celebrity said
41:30And that is when you were talking about the Christmas tree
41:34And you called it pathetic that you were doing it
41:38And there was a lot of hurt behind that word
41:41That you would call yourself that
41:44In a moment that for many would be beautiful
41:47But you thought that was pathetic
41:50Me feeling lonely on my own
41:51That was sad to hear
41:53Yeah
41:54And what I realised, and today really cemented it
41:57Is that you do what many people do
42:01And that is you negative self-talk
42:05You place contempt upon yourself
42:09Which is disrespect
42:11It saddens me, you're a beautiful, beautiful woman
42:14And you're so down on yourself
42:17Until that changes
42:19It's going to be really difficult
42:20To find you someone deserving of everything that you have
42:25Because to Paul's point, we need to discover all of that
42:28And help you stand on that
42:30Stand on your own pedestal
42:32And instead of feeling pathetic putting up a Christmas tree
42:35Feeling god damn titty tasses
42:37Swinging on the flipping Christmas tree fairy
42:39Going I'm a boss bitch Colleen Nolan
42:42That's where we need to get you to
42:44Nice to know I'm not the only one who wears titty tassels
42:46When I put the Christmas tree up
42:47So god damn pleased that you've come to us
42:50Colleen, you've got a bloody amazing future ahead of you
42:53If you choose to believe it
42:55Thank you so much for coming in
42:58Thank you
42:58And most importantly, thank you for calling Anna a bitch
43:01Oh, absolutely
43:03Colleen, can I just say
43:05If there's anybody who I would love to be their bitch
43:08It's you
43:08Honestly
43:09You can be my bitch
43:11I'm Colleen, I'm Colleen Nolan's bitch
43:13I'm gonna channel her all the way through this
43:15See?
43:16Now that is an honour
43:17Well Colleen, we've loved this session
43:20I have too
43:21Thank you so much
43:22Bring it in
43:25Bye bye
43:28I think she's a lovely lady
43:29Oh my goodness
43:30I think there's a lot we can do with her
43:32We're blessed to have her here
43:33This is going to be one hell of a journey that she goes on
43:37It's going to be one hell of a journey home now she's packing up the people pleasing
43:40Hi Colleen, can I get a selfie?
43:42Fuck off!
43:45I, I, I'm falling for you
43:48Two people who seem a lot more pleased by one another than they did at the start of their day
43:53Are Rimlik Lucinda and her bit of sherbet kneel
43:55Good hanging out with you
43:57It's been a pleasure
43:59The British fellas are so lovely
44:02Good
44:02Your mum has arranged you well
44:04Oh, thank you so much
44:05I really appreciate that
44:06Hello, we're at the comfortable silence talk with your eyes stage
44:09It's a far cry from the talking shite
44:12Trying to fill the gap stage we had earlier
44:14Oh, I like Beach Hut
44:15Grow up
44:17Alright
44:18Where are the gear?
44:20Wasn't Neil lovely?
44:22Like I can't fault him as a human
44:24He was so lovely
44:26Um, but I think I need a little bit more challenge and banter
44:30Probably need a bit more ba-boom-boom, you know
44:34Mmm, not sure I do
44:36But never mind, it was a valiant effort, Neil
44:39You are beautiful
44:40Oh, thank you
44:42That's so sweet
44:43Do you mind if I kiss you?
44:44Woah, hang about
44:46Go on, Neil
44:48Look at that
44:52Hole in one
44:59That was great, I really enjoyed that
45:02She's very open, she's intelligent
45:04And a kiss as well
45:07Neil, you dark horse, where the fuck did that come from?
45:10I've been sorry for poor Neil
45:12Because I taste so much like ceviche and margarita
45:16That I can only taste myself
45:19And I don't think it's prime condition for kissing
45:23I just went to the bathroom and just exploded
45:26We've all been there
45:27Just laughing at my life
45:29Ridiculous
45:30But thoroughly entertaining
45:31Now you're done
45:32Because you're not the only one who needs to explode in the toilet
45:35It's that an instant cough in my arse is screaming
45:39See ya!
45:39Tomorrow night
45:41Hello!
45:43There's emotion
45:44It's kind of embarrassing
45:45What's embarrassing?
45:49Interrogation
45:50Was there an affair?
45:53Impersonation
45:54It's been bloody lovely to be here with you today
45:57Urination
45:58There was literally a dog doing a wee up a tree behind you, sorry
46:01Erm, yeah
46:03And integration
46:04At the first mixer of the series
46:06You've got the gays here, yeah
46:07Okay, sorry everyone
46:09As our celebs
46:11Where do we even start?
46:13Girl!
46:13I can flex my chest
46:14I need to lie down now
46:17Dating!
46:17This is hell
46:19You're welcome Gabby
46:46You're welcome Gabby
46:47Here
46:47Is there an end?
46:48Who is dead?
46:48You're welcome Gabby
46:49I'm going to be a little girl
46:50You're welcome to go Gabby
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